


Dual Relationship

by DRHPaints



Category: Barry (TV 2018), Bill Hader - Fandom
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Acting, Biting, Blow Jobs, Child Death, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Dreams and Nightmares, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Face-Fucking, Face-Sitting, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Gun Violence, Heavy Angst, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mild Blood, Murder, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Dynamics, Smut, Spanking, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, War Trauma, therapist/client relationship, threat of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:47:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26331388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Barry decides to seek therapy for his ongoing struggles with depression and other mental health issues. When Barry and his therapist, Laura, fall for one another, they have to navigate the complicated relationship together.
Relationships: Barry Berkman/Original Female Character(s), Barry Block/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 20





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. None of the advice given here to Barry”s character should be taken to heart. I’m basing it on my own experience with the system. 
> 
> Also, in real life there’s nothing sexy about a relationship with your therapist. If that’s something happening to you, report them to the APA or other appropriate organization. Obviously this is just a fictional fantasy.

Sitting in the cramped waiting room looking at the blue and white chevron wallpaper, Barry’s foot bounced and his fingers twiddled on his thick thigh as he held the clipboard in his lap. Finally, the door opened and a woman around his age in a mustard yellow cardigan and knee-length purple skirt opened the door, smiling warmly.

“Barry Berkman?” 

Grinning, Barry stood. “Yup.” 

“Hello.” Extending a hand, she tilted her head, causing her mass of wavy crimson hair to tumble to the side. “I’m Dr. Nichols. But you can call me Laura if you want.”

“Hello.” Barry nodded, and she led him down a circular hallway to her office, gesturing for him to sit on an overstuffed blue couch, taking the opposite wing backed chair.

“Okay, Barry,” Laura grinned, crossing what Barry couldn’t help but notice were exceptionally shapely legs. “Now our first appointment is probably going to be pretty tedious, unfortunately. We’ll spend a lot of the time going over your questionnaire.” She indicated the clipboard in his hand.

“Oh, right.” Barry smiled, passing it over. 

Laura thanked him. “So basically, you’ll be catching me up on your life and who you are. After that we can discuss things you’d like to work on, sound good?”

Barry nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Great. Now, before we dig into this.” Laura referenced his paperwork again. “Do you have any questions?”

“Yeah, actually, um…” Hands crawling over themselves in his lap, Barry took a deep breath, deciding it was best to get this over with. “I’ve heard about this...this thing called ‘mandated reporting’ or whatever? Can you tell me more about that?”

Blinking at him, Laura nodded. “Of course. Well,” Laura shifted slightly. “It’s pretty straightforward, if I find out that someone has intent to hurt themselves, or someone else. Or I find out that a child or vulnerable adult is being abused, I’m required to report it to the appropriate authorities.”

Nodding slowly, Barry swallowed. “Okay, so...what about, um...what about stuff that’s...that’s already happened?”

Studying him, Laura tilted her head. “You mean like if someone hurt themselves a while ago? No, I wouldn’t be required to report that if they’re safe currently. Unless it was something strange like an injury that could be somehow dangerous going forward.”

Gripping his hands incredibly tight, Barry stared at the floor, blinking. “No, um...I mean like...like I was in the Marines, you know, and I, um...some of the things I did…” Clearing his throat, Barry crossed his arms and turned his face away.

“Oh.” Understanding dawning, Laura nodded. “No, Barry, I wouldn’t have to report anything like that.”

“Even if…” Clenching his teeth, every muscle in Barry’s sharp jaw popped. “Even if they were wrong?”

“Well,” Laura folded her hands in her lap. “When we get to that we can discuss the nature of ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’ I have a feeling you’re being much too hard on yourself, Barry. But no, regardless of the circumstances, anything done during your time of service I would not be required to report.”

Relaxing slightly, Barry nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”

Nodding, Laura smiled and they began going through Barry’s paperwork, which took the better part of half an hour. When they were done, she looked up at him. “Okay Barry, so, what made you decide to seek therapy now? You haven’t seen anyone since your time in the hospital in Germany.”

“Yeah.” Nodding, Barry sat back, crossing his arms. “Well, um…” He looked at the ceiling. “I’ve just been...just been more depressed lately and, uh...I don’t really know what to do about it, I guess.”

“When did that change?” Laura asked, pen poised over her notepad.

Barry narrowed his eyes, looking off in the distance. “Oh, a couple of months ago? When I first came out to LA, I actually felt better for a little while.” Nodding, Barry smiled in reminiscence. “Started an acting class. Met a girl.”

Laura pushed her hair over her shoulder. “Oh, are you still pursuing acting?” 

“Yup.” Barry nodded. “Still going to class. Auditions sometimes. But lately…” He shook his head. “I don’t know, I feel like...like even that I don’t care about anymore. Like I have to force myself to go, even though I used to love it.”

Nodding, Laura made a note. “That’s very common when you’re depressed, to lose interest in things you used to enjoy. Are you finding anything is bringing you joy right now?”

“Honestly?” Barry raised his prominent dark eyebrows, chuckling sadly. “No.”

“That’s a difficult place to be.” Laura sighed. “What kinds of things are helping you get through the days?”

Shrugging, Barry shook his head. “I guess I don’t really know. Work a lot. Try to stay busy. Just not think about things too much.”

Laura nodded. “Distraction can be effective. In the short term, at least.” Sitting back, she referenced her notes. “You mentioned you met someone when you moved to LA. Are the two of you still together?”

Rolling his eyes, Barry leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “No...it went well for a while...but eventually she just couldn’t handle me.” Tilting his head, Barry’s eyebrows shot up briefly in self-deprecation.

“How do you mean?”

“Well,” Barry sat back. “A lot of things, I guess. She said I was shut down. I would lose my temper. Not with her, really, I think I’m pretty good about that.” Barry nodded. “But sometimes when we were out and about or whatever. And I think the nightmares really freaked her out, to be honest, though she never said that.”

Laura leaned on her arm. “Nightmares?”

“Oh yeah, another thing to add to the list, doc.” Barry smiled, raising his hands in the air. “Yeah, sometimes, I…” Barry fidgeted in his lap, staring down. “Well, a lot of nights, actually, I...I wake up screaming. Or, um…” Swallowing, Barry tucked his chin into his chest and his voice was small. “Crying. And, uh...that...that’s just a lot for someone to sleep next to, you know?”

Sighing, Laura tipped her head from side to side. “Maybe. But it’s not your fault you’re experiencing these things, Barry. Do you remember your nightmares?”

Eyes widening for a moment, Barry nodded. “Yes.”

“Would you like to try doing something about them? There’s a technique called the Nightmare Protocol you could try if you want. Some people have had success with it.”

“Anything.” Barry placed his hands on the couch. “I’ll try anything.”

Smiling sadly, Laura nodded. “Okay, I’ll print it out for you before we go.” She glanced at the clock. “We’re almost out of time. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about today before we wrap up?”

Hands on his thighs, Barry shook his head. “Nope, nothing I can think of.”

“Okay.” Laura grinned. “Let me just print that out for you. Hang on.” Rising, she walked to the desk behind her and sat down. Barry watched as Laura clicked away, biting her lower lip as she peered at the screen. “There. I’ll go grab that from the printer. Be right back.”

Barry used her absence as an opportunity to explore her office. The bookshelf, to no surprise, was laden mostly with psychology texts. But he also saw a couple of photographs. One of Laura at graduation. Another of a cat. Barry was slightly relieved to see there were no pictures of her with a partner, even though he knew Laura was off limits.

Returning, she handed Barry the paper, smiling. “There. Give that a shot. I hope it’s at least a little helpful. If not, let me know and I’ll do some research on other things we can try.”

“Great.” Barry grinned. “Thank you, Dr. Nichols.”

“You’re welcome, Barry. Same time next week?” 

Nodding, Barry folded the paper and put it in his pocket. “Yup.”

“Sounds good. It was nice meeting you, Barry.” Laura held out her hand, and Barry’s wide palm enveloped hers.

“You too, Dr. Nichols.” Walking out, Barry let out a slow breath, allowing his shoulders to drop. Despite his tremendous anxiety, it went better than he could’ve expected.

***

Shifting on the couch, Barry scratched at his stubble. It was his third appointment with Laura and he was starting to get slightly more comfortable.

“So,” Threading her auburn hair behind an ear, Laura wore a deep green sundress under a purple cardigan and Barry was trying not to get distracted by her hint of cleavage. “Have you noticed any improvement with the nightmares?”

Barry shrugged. “Maybe a little. But not really.”

“Do you want to tell me what they’re about?” She tilted her head.

Puffing out his cheeks, Barry let out a breath. He knew he couldn’t describe many of them to her without serious trouble, but there was one recurring nightmare in particular that was safe. “Well, um...when I was in...there’s one I have about this thing that happened while I was in Korengal.” Laura nodded and he continued. “It’s...it’s pretty fucked up.”

“I’m not here to judge you, Barry.” Laura looked at him softly. “I’m here to listen. And help, if I can.”

Nodding, Barry sat back. “Okay, well, um...some villagers they, uh...they were accusing us because they thought...they thought someone shot a donkey, right? So…” Barry swallowed. “So me and my buddy Albert, we’re, um...we’re trying to talk with them when all of a sudden…” Holding out his hands, Barry’s eyes widened. “Shots fired and Albert got hit in the face. He goes down and I...I did first aid, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw this…” Mouth opening, Barry looked vaguely nauseous. “This guy disappear into his house and slam the door. So, thinking he was the one who shot Albert, I…” Leaning forward and folding his hands, Barry lowered his head. “I kicked through the door and I shot him.” Staring at the floor, Barry breathed slowly. “And I kept shooting him. And his...his wife…” Barry’s voice trembled a little. “She was screaming and, uh…” He swallowed, turning his head to the side. “Then...then some of the others...some of my guys, they...they came in and pulled me back. Told me...told me he wasn’t the one who did it.” Barry dragged his hand over his face. “He wasn’t the guy who shot Albert.” Sitting back, Barry crossed his arms. “So I...I killed that man over nothing and, um…” Leg bouncing, Barry clenched his jaw. “Then I was sent to that hospital in Germany and discharged.”

Looking to the ceiling, Barry blinked. “You probably think I’m a monster now, right?”

Laura leaned forward. “Oh Barry, of course not.” She shook her head. “What happened to you? That’s one of the issues I have with the military, personally. Humans make errors. And you were put in a situation where a reasonable error unfortunately resulted in a lethal consequence. Nothing about that makes you a monster.”

Folding over on himself, Barry’s leg shook and he fisted his hands together. “You really don’t think so?” Voice small, he couldn’t look up at her as he felt the tears stinging his eyes. 

“No, Barry. I don’t.”

When Barry finally did raise his head to meet her emerald eyes, seeing Laura’s earnest face, he almost believed her. “Thank you, Dr. Nichols.” He nodded, sniffing.

“Of course, Barry.” She smiled. “So your nightmares are often about that event?”

Barry sat back. “Yeah. Over and over. But they’re different.”

“Do you want to tell me about them?”

Shrugging, Barry rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, um...sometimes...sometimes they’re pretty straightforward, I guess. Just like being back there. Other times, the man...the guy I shot, he’s yelling at me...just screaming about…” Barry’s nose flared.” About how I cut his life short, but um…” Chewing his lip, Barry blinked rapidly, eyes shifting. “The, uh...the worst ones…” Voice growing thick, Barry ground his teeth. “Are with the wife, she...she just screams. And…” Tears trickling down his face, Barry hurriedly wiped them away. “She’s crying and no matter what I can’t...I can’t make her stop.” Laying his head back on the couch, Barry closed his eyes and tried to take a couple of deep breaths.

“It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of guilt and shame, Barry.” Laura looked at the broken man sitting before her. As with many of her clients, she wished there was some sort of magic wand she could wave to erase their pain, to make Barry’s life at least a little more tolerable. But even in her young career, Laura knew the only way out was through.

Raising his head, Barry nodded. “Yeah, after that happened I guess...I guess I didn’t believe I deserved a good life anymore.”

“You do.” Glancing up, he saw her green eyes boring into him insistently. “You deserve good and beautiful things in your life. This doesn’t make you irredeemable. I still believe you’re a good man, Barry.”

Lip quivering, Barry shook his head. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew some of the things I’ve done…” Regretting his words, Barry bit his lip and looked cautiously at Laura’s face.

“Oh, you might be surprised.” The corner of her mouth ticked up. “I believe you’re a kind person with a lot to offer the world. Even in our short time together, that’s more than obvious.”

Wiping his face, Barry took a breath. “Thank you, Dr. Nichols.”

“Well,” Laura glanced at the clock. “I’m sorry to stop in such a hard place, but we’re almost out of time. Is there anything else that would be helpful to discuss before we tie things up until next week?”

Shaking his head, Barry gave her a watery smile. “No, no I’ll be okay. Thank you.” Standing, Barry walked to the door and Laura held it open for him.

“Okay, see you next Wednesday, Barry.” She grinned. Hesitating, Barry shifted his weight back and forth. Laura furrowed her brow. “Was there something else, Barry?”

Suddenly she was surrounded by his strong arms, Barry pulling her to his firm chest. Face tucked into her neck, Laura could feel his stubble graze her skin. “ _Thank you, Dr Nichols._ ” Barry whispered.

“Oh...okay, Barry.” Laura stood with her arms at her side, not pushing him away, but careful not to hug him back either. She couldn’t help but notice how good Barry smelled.

Breaking away, Barry nodded, eyes on the floor. “Okay, see you next week.” He muttered, hands in his pockets before he strode out of Laura’s office, leaving her off-kilter.

***

_Strong hands gripping hips. Warm tongue dancing between wet thighs. Fingers buried in dark hair. Panting. Moaning. Grinding. Handsome stubbled face rising from between her legs with smiling cobalt eyes…_

Alarm blaring, Laura’s hand groped in the darkness until she smacked her phone and with one bleary eye open, managed to turn it off. Sitting up and rubbing her face, Laura knew she was having a good dream but she couldn’t remember what it was. Then images started to flash in her mind. _Oh…_

Skin breaking out in goosebumps, Laura tried to ignore the slickness between her legs and turned the shower on extra cold before jumping in, hoping the water would wash away the residue of the dream. She knew, of course, that one had no control over their nightly adventures, but still, a thin layer of shame coated her stomach and Laura made a point to try to think of Barry as little as possible, though it proved difficult.

***

After a couple of months, Barry came in for his session one Wednesday and there was something...different about him. Keyed up even more than usual, his hands never stopped moving, leg bouncing throughout the entirety of the session. When Laura asked him how he was doing, Barry kept the conversation forcefully light, talking about minor conflicts with his roommates and the frustrations of working in retail. Suspicious, but never one to push a client too far, Laura walked Barry to the door at the end of the hour with a nod and a smile, Barry avoiding her gaze when she said she’d see him next week.

It was just after ten o’clock and Laura was opening a bottle of wine when her work phone rang. Unfamiliar number on the screen, she narrowed her eyes, hoping it wasn’t a telemarketer, and answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, is this Laura?” A slightly nasal voice on the other line asked.

Pouring the Merlot, Laura was hesitant. “Yes...who may I ask is calling?”

“Hey, Laura...it’s Barry. Barry Berkman.” Voice unnaturally high, Laura looked at the clock. Though some of her colleagues said it was unwise, she gave her number to patients in case of emergency. Barry calling at this hour, and using her first name, which he never did before, always formally referring to her as Dr. Nichols, put Laura on alert.

“Yes, hello, Barry. Is everything alright?” She set down the wine bottle.

“I just wanted to call…” His voice was tremulous. “And thank you for being so nice to me…”

Heart beating fast, Laura’s mouth went dry. “Barry...what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“You’re just so kind, and, um…” She could hear him sniffling. “And...and you tried to help me a lot...and I really appreciate it.”

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ “Barry.” Laura fought to keep her voice calm. “Don’t do anything rash, okay? Can you tell me where you are? Are you alone right now?”

Barry sighed. “Yeah…”

“Barry, where are you? Please tell me. Wherever you are, I’ll come right now, okay? Just...just don’t...if you’re thinking of hurting yourself, Barry, please. Don’t. Just keep talking to me. You’re a wonderful person and you have so much to live for.”

Laura could hear him crying and her hand shook as she held the phone to her ear. “No, I don’t…you don’t know…”

“Barry, _please_ , where are you?” Laura’s throat tightened. “Just tell me.”

His heavy breathing radiated over the line. “Somewhere up in the hills, I don’t know…”

“Okay, just...Barry? Can you look it up on your phone? Will you do that for me? Please?” 

The silence on the other end was excruciating before Laura heard Barry take a deep breath. “Okay…hang on.” 

A minute or so later Laura’s phone buzzed with a text giving Barry’s location. “Okay, Barry? I’m on my way right now.” Shoving her feet in her flats, Laura scooped up her keys. “I need you to keep talking to me, okay?”

“Okay…” 

Getting in her car, Laura turned the ignition and opened the garage. Silent for more than a minute, she shook her head. “Barry, I’m serious. I need you to say something. Anything. I don’t care if you recite the ABC’s, just let me know you’re there while I drive, okay?”

Barry gave a half-hearted chuckle. “You’re funny, Laura.” She heard him sniff again. “And sweet. And so pretty…”

Trying to ignore that last comment, Laura turned on speakerphone and tried to look at the directions. Normally she had a hard rule against even glancing at her phone while driving, but this was an emergency.

“Barry, why don’t you tell me about what you’re seeing right now? You’re outside right? Describe it to me.”

“Okay, um…” Barry paused. “There’s a lot of brush and stuff. Some trees far away. No houses or anything nearby, but I can see a lot of the city spread out.” 

Going quiet again, Laura prodded him as she got on the highway. “Alright, what else?”

“Well...the stars are really nice. Actually clear, for once.” Barry chuckled a little and Laura hoped that meant he was calming.

“That’s lovely. Do you recognize any of the constellations?”

”Oh maybe…” Barry sounded skeptical. “The Big and Little Dipper for sure. And I _think_ that’s Orion.” Pausing, Laura could imagine Barry craning his head around and peering at the sky as she took the exit. “What’s the name of the one with the lady in the chair again?”

“Cassiopeia.” Laura replied.

“You’re so smart, Laura.” Barry’s voice was low and glancing at her phone, Laura saw her estimated arrival time was four minutes.

“I’m almost there, okay? Just hang on, Barry. Tell me more about the stars.” Barry thought he could identify a planet or two, and possibly the North Star as Laura’s car ground to a halt on a dirt road. Hopping out, she looked around but saw no sign of Barry, or any human activity for that matter.

“Barry, I don’t see you. Where are you?” Laura whipped around.

“Here.” Voice calling from above and to her left, Laura saw the shadowy outline of Barry sitting on the hill. Beginning to climb, she seriously regretted her footwear choice, slipping a couple of times in her ascent. Reaching him, Barry was parked in the dirt, red-rimmed eyes staring blankly, and Laura’s breath hitched when she saw a gun loosely gripped in his hand. _Jesus fucking Christ._

Carefully sitting next to him, Laura tried to keep her voice level, finding she couldn’t look away from the gun. “Hey Barry.”

Barry continued staring. “Hey.”

Wrapping her arms around her knees, Laura studied his face. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

Taking a deep breath, Barry shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Okay.” Laura nodded, not wanting to push him in his fragile state. “Whatever it is, Barry. This isn’t the answer. You have a lot to live for.”

“Oh yeah?” Barry said sarcastically, raising his eyebrows. “Like what?”

“You’re kind. And funny. And talented—“

“How do you know I’m talented?” Barry cut his eyes in her direction, face hard. Laura had seen this before. People often got defensive in these moments.

Resting her head on her knees, Laura smiled. “Well, I don’t know first hand, but you got that movie audition, right? And your teacher, Mr. Cousineau and your classmates, don’t they have a lot of great things to say about your performances? And I bet if I ever got the chance I’d get to see how amazing an actor you are.”

Barry’s stormy blue eyes softened. “Would you really want to?”

“Of course. I love the theater.” Laura grinned. “I’d be honored.” A half smile crept over Barry’s face and they were silent for a moment. Knowing she had to proceed carefully, Laura took a deep breath.

“Barry,” Laura swallowed. “Would you be willing to give me the gun?”

Glancing at the weapon in his hand as though he forgot about it, Barry narrowed his eyes. “Yeah…” Voice small, he passed it over to her. “Yeah, okay.”

Never having held a gun in her life, Laura touched it as if it were venomous before setting it on the ground, barrel pointed away from them. 

“Barry, I’d feel better if we went somewhere less isolated.” Laura suggested.

Barry shrugged. “Alright, where do you wanna go?”

Eyes trailing to the gun, Laura was well aware Barry could easily overpower her and take it back. But she didn’t think that was likely. “Barry, I think I should bring you to a hospital.”

Eyes wide and head shaking, Barry leaned back on his hands. “No. No, no, _no._ Absolutely not. I won’t go back there.” Jaw clenched, he looked firm.

“Barry, I know it can be scary, but that’s really the only place when—“

“ _I_ _said no!”_ Barry screamed, eyes shut and hands shaking. Raising trembling fingers to his face, he curled forward. “I’m sorry, it’s just...if I go...I just...I know, _I know,_ they’re never going to let me out and...and…” Barry sobbed, hugging his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth.

Tentatively placing a hand on his broad shoulder, Laura chewed her lip in consideration. “Okay, Barry, no hospital. How about…” Closing her eyes, Laura prayed she wasn’t making a terrible decision. “How about you come back to my house? I’m not comfortable with you being alone. Does that sound okay?”

Face streaked with tears, Barry turned to her. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

“Alright. Are you ready to go or do you want to sit here for a few minutes?” 

Barry shook his head, standing up and brushing off his jeans. “No, I’m ready.” 

Nodding, Laura rose, picking up the gun and holding it far away from herself. 

“Wait, hang on.” Barry held out his hand for the gun and Laura shook her head.

“Barry, I’m sorry. I can’t give this back to you.”

Holding up his hands, Barry shook his head. “I promise I won’t do anything, but…” His eyes shifted to the gun. “The safety is not on.” Laura looked at it in alarm. “And if you try to walk down that hill and you trip…” Barry closed his eyes. “Fuck, I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

Laura stared at the weapon in her hand. “Okay...but you promise to give it right back to me?”

“Yes.” Barry nodded.

Handing it to him, Barry expertly dismantled the gun in seconds, removing the clip and passing it back to her. “Thank you.” Feeling considerably better knowing there were no bullets inside, Laura and Barry made their way down the hill to her car and she put the gun in her trunk. Grateful she could drive home with her full attention on the road, Barry was weary from the passed adrenaline, quietly watching the scenery go by the windows.

Arriving home, Laura led Barry inside. “Are you thirsty for anything? Hungry?”

“Just water, please.” Barry smiled. Nodding, she retrieved a glass and handed it to him. 

After he drank, Laura shifted her weight awkwardly. “Well, I assume you’re pretty tired.” Barry nodded in assent. “I’ll go get you a pillow and blanket for the couch.”

Returning with the bedding, she handed them to Barry. “Thank you.” He smiled. “For, you know...everything.”

”Of course.” Laura nodded. “Have a good night, Barry. If you need anything I’m right down the hall.” Going to her bedroom, Laura changed into a t-shirt and shorts, flopping on the mattress with an extended sigh. She lay in the darkness for a long time, too revved up from the days events to sleep.

Around midnight she heard a soft knocking at her door. Turning on her lamp, she sat up. “Come in.”

Opening it revealed Barry, sheepishly rubbing one elbow with the opposite hand. “Hey...sorry.”

“That’s okay. Did you need something, Barry?”

“I, um…” Weight shifting, Barry looked off to the side, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed and his voice came out higher than usual. “I don’t...I don’t want to sleep alone, and, uh...I was wondering if I could sleep in here with you.” Barry continued to stare at the floor.

Feeling her face grow hot, it was a moment before Laura knew what to say. “Oh Barry, I...that doesn’t seem like a very good idea. I’m sorry, I don’t think it would be appropriate.”

Nodding, Barry’s shoulders curled inwards, and he crossed his arms, almost hugging himself. “Yeah, I, um…” He furrowed his brow. “I understand.” With a voice barely above a whisper, Barry’s oceanic eyes flicked up to meet her own. “I’m just scared.”

Staring back at him, Laura knew it was foolish, knew she was breaking about a dozen codes she agreed to when she became a psychologist, but heart hammering, she saw Barry’s vulnerable form and swallowed. “Okay…” Looking away, she nodded and pulled back the opposite corner of the blankets.

Eyes darting from her, to the bed, to the floor, Barry hesitantly made his way to the mattress, sliding under the covers. “Alright, um…” Laura pulled the sheet up to her neck. “Are you okay for me to turn off the light now?”

“Yup. Thank you.”

Reaching over and flipping it off, Laura blinked at the dark ceiling, painfully aware of Barry’s every breath and movement next to her. She was slightly relieved when he turned on his side facing away from her, and thought it might actually be possible to get some sleep, until his voice piped up.

“Hey Laura?”

Tensing, she cleared her throat. “Yes, Barry?”

“Would you…” He paused. “Could you hold me until I fall asleep? Maybe?”

Closing her eyes, Laura let out a deep sigh. “Barry…”

“ _Please._ ” It was the note of neediness in his voice, the pleading, that made Laura scoot silently across the bed, press herself up against Barry’s long body and tuck an arm around him. Immediately Barry interlaced their fingers, bringing her hand to his chest. Heartbeat radiating through her, Laura eventually heard Barry’s breathing grow slow and deep, and against the warmth of his body, she soon fell asleep.

Blinking awake, Laura saw Barry’s face looking back at her from his pillow and was startled at first. “Oh! Hello Barry.” Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she yawned.

“Good morning.” Face serious, Barry’s dark blue eyes studied her before he leaned forward, light pink lips joining with Laura’s, releasing an audible exhale. A large hand came up to cup her face, and Barry’s mouth opened, tongue just starting to sneak past her teeth when Laura placed a hand on his firm chest and pulled back.

“I’m sorry, Barry.” She shook her head. “That’s not something we can do. We can’t have that kind of relationship.”

Expression earnest and calm, Barry peered back at her. “Why not?”

“It’s not appropriate.” Laura brought a hand to her head. “I shouldn’t have let you sleep here last night. I don’t know what I was thinking…”

Barry’s eyes narrowed slightly, voice soft. “So you didn’t like it when I kissed you?”

Laura’s breath caught in her throat. “That’s...not the point, Barry.”

“So…” Barry swiveled in close, hand caressing her waist. “You wouldn’t like it if I did this?” Nestling into her, Barry began kissing Laura’s neck, lips brushing over her skin and nipping lightly. Breathing shallow and heart pounding, Laura didn’t know what to do. “Just tell me if you want me to stop.” Barry murmured, his stubble chafing her a bit as he continued, touch intoxicating.

“Barry...we can’t do this…” But Laura’s leg wound around his waist as she pressed a kiss to his stubbled jaw.

“We won’t.” Shaking his head, Barry rolled on top of her, insistent erection evident through his jeans as Laura spread her legs. “We’ll stop.” Barry began grinding himself down into Laura, making her wet and needy, “ _Just a little more…_ ” 

Hand sneaking under her shirt, Barry joined their lips and Laura’s mouth opened beneath his as he massaged her breast. She didn’t understand how his hands could be so strong and yet so tender as he drew a nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Bearing down hard, Laura moaned into his mouth as Barry’s cock rubbed over her clit through the fabric. Barry’s fingers trailed down, sliding beneath the waistband of her panties and stopping above her lips. 

“I’ll just touch you a little…” Barry breathed. “And then we’ll stop.”

Laura nodded. “Yeah…” Barry began circling her clit, playing with the slickness between her thighs until she was rocking into his hand, her fingers buried in his chestnut hair and eyes clenched tight.

“ _Oh Barry, yes! That feels so good…_ ” Starting to tremble, Barry kissed over her collarbone. 

“I wanna make you cum, Laura. I wanna make you feel so fucking good…” Fingers speeding up, Laura dug her nails into the fabric of his shirt, dripping over Barry’s fingers and shaking. “ _Oh Barry! Fuck! Yes!_ ” 

Removing his fingers, Barry’s hands continued to roam over her body as his lips spoke against her ear, breath warm. “I just need to taste you a little. Then we’ll be done, okay? You’ve been so nice to me...I just wanna make you feel good.”

Nodding, she kissed Barry’s cheek and he climbed down the bed, sitting back on his heels to peel off her shorts and panties. Lowering himself, Barry spread her lips with two fingers before diving forward, long tongue dancing around Laura’s swollen clit, flicking it, before taking it between his sweet lips and sucking.

“ _Oh fuck, Barry! Fuck!_ ” Fingers gripping his short dark locks, Barry’s hands crawled over her body as his sculpted jaw dug forward between Laura’s legs, moaning into her sensitive flesh. Fingers caressing her thighs, breasts, arms, even reaching up to delicately touch her face, Laura was awash in ecstasy as Barry consumed her and soon found herself rutting against his eager mouth, moans rising to screams.

“ _Barry! Yes! Don’t stop! Fuck!_ ” Thighs glued to the side of his head, Laura seized, eyes twitching and breath halting for a moment before returning as a shriek. Emerging and wiping his face on his sleeve, Barry claimed her mouth again, thrusting firmly against Laura through his jeans, strong hands scooping under her ass to hold her closer as he sought friction.

“ _Just…_ ” Letting out a high whine, Barry’s hips rolled into Laura faster. “Just please let me go inside of you. Just for a little bit. Please? _Please?_ ” Barry rubbed the side of his face against hers, eyes closed.

Frantically trying to unbutton his shirt and kiss every inch of him she could reach, Laura called out. “ _Yes, Barry! Fuck me!”_

Scrambling to undo his jeans, Barry shoved them down his thighs along with his boxers and after a couple of swipes of the head of his cock over Laura’s entrance, sheathed himself to the hilt.

“ _Oh yes! Laura...yes!”_ Eyelashes fluttering for a second, Barry slithered an arm between them to fiddle his thumb over Laura’s clit in time with his desperate movements, laying flat against her, mouths mashed together as he humped wildly.

“ _Barry! Just like that! Yes! Fuck!”_ Writhing beneath him, Laura clung to his broad back, frenetically trying to drive his thick cock deeper inside.

Whimpering and cradling her head to him, Barry hammered Laura into the mattress. “ _Fuck! Yes! Laura! Yes!”_

“ _Oh Barry, I’m cumming! I’m cumming!_ ” Eyes rolling, Laura constricted around his cock, convulsing and crying out Barry’s name.

Increased pressure overwhelming, a high note of anxiety rose from Barry’s chest. “ _Fuck, I’m gonna cum. I need to pull out.”_

Pushing his hands against the mattress, Laura locked her legs around his back. “It’s fine, I’m on the pill. I want you to cum in me. _Cum inside me, Barry.”_

Fingers squeezing her arm tight, Barry’s hips jerked forward erratically as he whined. “ _Yes, Laura! Fuck! I’m cumming! Yes! Laura!_ ” Filling her with pulse after pulse, Barry fell limp, gulping air and dewy with sweat.

When Barry climbed off, doing up his jeans, he tried to take Laura into his arms but, free from the haze of lust, she sat up, legs dangling over the bed, eyes falling to the floor.

”What’s wrong?” Barry rubbed the small of her back.

”What’s _wrong?_ ” Shaking her head, Laura brought her hands to her face. “I never thought I’d be this kind of doctor is what’s wrong. This is...fuck.” Lowering her hands, she clenched her jaw. “I mean, aside from losing my license and everything, this is...this is just not fair to you, Barry.”

Shuffling forward to join her, Barry tried to catch her eye, but failed. “How so?”

”Because I’m your therapist, Barry. I have a responsibility.” Laura gestured to her own chest. “You’ve been vulnerable with me in a way you wouldn’t be with regular people, and this…” She nodded back at the bed. “This is taking advantage of that.” Barry giggled and Laura cut her eyes at him. “What’s funny about this, Barry?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just…” Another giggle squeaked out. “You’re making yourself sound like this big, bad predator or whatever and…” Barry closed his eyes, smiling and shaking his head. “Laura, I definitely seduced you back there, for one. And two, I wanted you from the moment I walked into your office, before I ever shared anything.”

“You did?” Laura blinked at him curiously.

Barry nodded. “Yeah.” He leaned over to nudge her shoulder. “You’re sexy, you know that?”

Blushing, Laura shook her head. “Still, it’s not a healthy basis for a relationship, Barry.”

“What?” Blue eyes meeting hers, Barry tilted his head. “Someone who encourages me and makes me feel good about myself. That’s not healthy?”

Sighing, Laura lay back on the bed, arms over her head. Slowly, Barry did as well, turning on his side to face her. Fingers drawing patterns over the exposed skin of her abdomen, Barry murmured. “Do you want to be with me, Laura?”

“Wanting isn’t the problem, Barry, it’s—“

“ _Laura._ ” Barry’s voice was firm as he laid his hand flat on her stomach and locked into her eyes.

Staring at him, Laura took a shuddering breath. “Yes.”

“Then we should be together.” Barry stated simply, resting on his arm.

Closing her eyes, Laura battled internally before looking up at the ceiling and blinking. “Okay, but...I’ll have to set you up with a different therapist.” She swallowed.

“Alright.” Barry nodded. “I’ll miss our sessions, but…” Hand passing over her breast, Barry smirked. “I think it’s worth the trade off.”

Chuckling, Laura ruffled her fingers in his dark hair before drawing Barry close, lips knitting together.


	2. 2

“So...are you hungry?” 

Barry nodded, smiling. “Yeah.”

Leading the way to the kitchen, as Laura pulled out eggs, bread, and sausage while Barry sat at a stool by the counter, her brain grasped at conversation topics, discarding one after the other. Despite being someone who talked for a living, she found coming up with something to say to Barry incredibly difficult considering their circumstances. 

“What do you have going on today?” Barry asked as she cracked an egg into the hot frying pan.

Laura shrugged. “Day off, nothing special. Usually I just sit around and read, to be honest. I’m pretty boring.”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s true.” Catching the look in his cobalt eyes as Barry rested his cheek on his large hand, Laura didn’t want to be flattered by the way his gaze traveled over her body as she continued to fight against the concept of being involved with a patient.

Clearing her throat, she turned back to the other pan and shook the sausages. “How about you? What’re you up to?”

“Acting class.” Barry said simply.

Laura nodded. “That sounds good.” Green eyes sliding in his direction, she swallowed. “And, um…how are you feeling? After last night?” 

Folding his hands, Barry’s gaze fell. “Better…” His voice was low. “I’m...sorry. I shouldn’t...that was a really bad position to put you in.”

“No, don’t apologize, Barry.” Laura turned to him, shaking her head. “It’s my job to intervene in that kind of thing.” Looking at the floor, Laura scratched the back of her leg with the opposite foot. “Or it was…”

They were silent for a moment, the only sounds the sputtering of the pans and Laura nearly singed the sausages before her nose told her to flip them. “Barry, this...this might get really complicated…” She bit her lip. “I mean…” Mouth hanging open in silence, Laura slowly closed it and took a deep breath. “Part of me feels obligated to find out how you’re doing as a mental health professional, to know if you’re stable, if you’re safe. And part of me...if we’re going to be, you know…” Locking into Barry’s sapphire eyes, Laura tilted her head. “Together. I also need to know those things for...for different reasons.”

Staring back at Laura’s expectant face, Barry’s chest tightened. He knew as a mandated reporter there were many things about his life he’d never be able to disclose. But when he proposed they start a relationship that morning, Barry didn’t consider that girlfriends had different expectations about what you can and can’t hide from them. As his therapist, Laura would gladly respect it if he said he wasn’t comfortable talking about something. Barry didn’t know if the same held true as a significant other.

“I’m okay now.” Barry nodded. “Last night was...a mess. And stupid. I overreacted. Trust me, it won’t happen again.”

Grabbing two plates after turning off the burners, Laura dished up their meals and set it before Barry, taking orange juice out of the fridge before she sat next to him. “Can you…” She asked carefully as she lowered a piece of toast into her egg. “Can you tell me what happened that got you to that place, Barry?”

Tensing, the muscle in Barry's jaw flashed as he cut a sausage in half with his fork and blinked down at his plate. “I’m sorry. I...I can’t.” Barry didn’t even want to admit to himself the things that led to him taking the gun in hand and walking alone up that hill.

Laura pushed her food around, unsure how to respond. After a couple of minutes, she sighed. “Barry, if...if you can’t tell me, I guess I have to accept that, but...how do I really know you’re going to be okay if I don’t know any of the circumstances? I have no way of knowing if whatever set you off last night could happen again. Barry, I…” Closing her eyes, Laura set down her fork and covered the lower half of her face. “I don’t want to get another call like that again. Or worse, a call from someone else saying you’re…” She let out a shuddering breath.

“Hey, _hey…”_ Gathering her into his strong arms, Barry pressed a kiss to the top of Laura’s head. “That’s not going to happen, okay? I promise.” Rubbing circles into her back, Barry tipped Laura’s face up, deep blue eyes piercing her. “I’m really sorry I made you worry. I’m fine. Really.”

Laura squeezed his hand. “I’m still going to make an appointment for you this week with one of my colleagues, alright? Sooner rather than later, preferably.”

“Okay.” Barry nodded. “No problem.”

“Though you know you can’t…” Exhaling, Laura pinched the bridge of her nose. “You can’t tell them about us. Fuck, I feel so shitty telling you that. You should be able to say whatever you want in therapy.”

Chuckling, Barry shook his head. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“I mean you can talk about me and problems we have or whatever.” Laura explained. “You would just have to change my name and how we met.”

“Right.” Barry nodded. “Of course.”

Pushing her plate away, Laura laid her head on the counter. Standing up, Barry’s hands encircled her waist and he brushed a kiss to the nape of her neck. “We’ll figure it out.” Rocking her gently back and forth, Barry rested his head on her shoulder. “Hey, do you want to come to acting class with me today?”

Laura lifted her head. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Barry nodded. “I’d love for you to see it, if you’re interested.”

“Definitely.” It was always a fascination of Laura’s, how the people and places patients described in sessions differed when she encountered them in real life. Finishing as much of breakfast as she was able, Barry kindly insisted on doing the dishes, so Laura jumped in the shower, choosing a yellow sundress before they left to swing by Barry’s apartment so he could shower and change. 

When they arrived at the theater and Barry cautiously approached Mr.Cousineau to ask if Laura could sit in on the day’s class, she was struck by his appearance. A small, pudgy, graying man, Laura imagined some striding, commanding figure based on Barry’s various tales and it threw her a bit. Thankfully, he gladly allowed her to be a part of the audience and Laura took a seat in the third row.

Barry sat next to Laura, hands crawling nervously over themselves as the other students began their performances. For that week, Gene assigned each of them monologues, saying he wanted the class to practice the extremes of emotions based on characters he thought reflected an aspect of their personality. When he gave Barry Heath Ledger's speech as The Joker from _The Dark Knight,_ he was unsettled. A psychotic, murderous clown with no remorse for his actions? Was that how Gene really saw him? At first Barry thought he was making too much of it. After all, Gene chose Glenn Close’s character Alex Forrest from _Fatal Attraction_ for Sally and she didn’t take it personally. On the contrary, Sally was excited by the challenge. Then again, Barry was pretty sure Sally never boiled a rabbit before. Like The Joker, Barry had a substantial headcount to his name and the parallel made him deeply uncomfortable.

Timidly approaching Gene as the class trickled out one day, Barry wiped his hands on his pants, eyes on the ground.

“Um...Mr. Cousineau? Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Looking up with a smile, Gene nodded. “Sure, Barry. What’s up?”

“I, um...I wanted to ask you about...about the monologue.” Clearing his throat, Barry fidgeted. “Why...why did you pick that one for me?”

“Well,” Setting down the script he was holding, Gene turned to him and folded his hands. “I thought you would be able to bring something unique to the words, Barry.”

“But…” Barry swallowed. “I can’t really relate to that character. I don’t think I’ll do a good job.”

Tilting his head, Gene blinked at him. “You can’t relate to a man who feels removed from society? Who feels alienated because of the things he’s done? Who is struggling to make the world understand his point of view and gets upset because of that?”

Gene staring at him in silence, a chill coated the inside of Barry’s chest, face settling. Staring at the floor, when Barry spoke his lips hardly moved. “Yeah...I guess I can…”

“Good.” Gene clapped his hands together. “I’m excited to see what you have to show us.” Gene got up, patting Barry on the arm as he bounced past, leaving him standing in the theater, lost and alone.

Now as he observed his classmates delivering their pieces, Barry’s anxiety grew. He went over the piece many times during the previous week, and watched Ledger’s performance, but something wasn’t clicking. 

Gene calling his name, Barry tapped his fingers on his thigh as he took an empty chair in the center of the stage. In the movie, The Joker delivered his speech to Harvey Dent in his hospital bed, but Barry would be acting alone, Gene preferring to test their performing muscles and see if they could summon emotion without playing off the expression of someone else.

After knowing Barry for some time and being acclimated to his distress, Laura could tell he was nervous, and when he piped up with the line, “Do I really look like a guy with a plan…” Sounding hollow and rehearsed, she cringed. Laura didn’t want to lie to him, to tell Barry that she loved his work, but particularly in his fragile state, she wasn’t going to be overly honest, either.

Making it about a third of the way through, Barry could tell it wasn’t working and sighed, turning to the audience. “Mr. Cousineau, could I reset, maybe?”

“Sure, Barry.” Gene nodded. “Take your time.”

Resuming his seat, Barry closed his eyes. _Okay, what did Gene say? Removed from society. Alienation. Feeling misunderstood._

Barry flashed back to when he first returned to the States. All those unending, gray days of dragging himself from room to room. Forgetting to change his clothes. Or to shower. Or sometimes even to eat. People would call, old friends and family, voices happy and excited to have him back in Cleveland, and he tried to explain, tried to make them see why he couldn’t come to their barbecue, why he couldn’t come out for drinks. Barry wasn’t the same man, couldn’t they see that? Couldn’t they see the blood staining his skin? But somehow no one could comprehend that the Barry they knew, the Barry who left in his crisp uniform with a beaming smile, thinking he was off to do his duty and serve his country, was shattered, and was never coming back.

Blinking his oceanic eyes open, Barry took a deep breath and launched into the monologue. Edging forward, Laura stared, transfixed. It was as if a different man took the stage. Barry was...horrifying. A bit of a nerd, Laura was quite familiar with the film and it was clear Barry wasn’t imitating Ledger’s performance. Instead, his iteration was softer, vulnerable, but with a note of steel beneath as his stormy blue eyes widened, nose flaring, pink lip curling, advancing across the stage with shaking fingers extended as he spoke the words, “I am an agent of chaos.”

When Barry finished, resounding applause echoed throughout the theater and he grinned, bobbing his head humbly before hopping off stage and rejoining Laura. 

“ _Wow_.” She whispered, squeezing his hand. “Barry, you were amazing.”

Smiling, Barry interlaced their fingers. “You really think so?”

“Yeah.” Laura nodded. “Great job.”

Class wrapping up, Barry introduced Laura to some of his friends. Standing with Sally and Antonio, Sally pointed. “So, how did you two meet?”

“Bar—“

“Dating app—“

Antonio and Sally looked between them in confusion and Barry and Laura turned to each other awkwardly. “Oh, um…” Laura swallowed. “We started talking on a dating app, but we first met in person at a bar.”

“Oh that’s nice.” Antonio nodded in understanding. 

After making their goodbyes, Barry and Laura got ready to leave. “Hey, can you bring me back to my car?” Barry asked.

“Oh.” Laura slid the key into the ignition. “Right. Sure.” She avoided offering that morning because she didn’t want to go back to that hill, worried it might spark some of the same emotions in Barry. But as they rolled to a stop, in the daylight it looked far less ominous, gentle scenery rolling in the warm afternoon breeze under the Los Angeles sunshine.

Rifling in his pockets, Barry unearthed his keys, pausing. “Did, um…” He walked up to Laura, fingers trailing over her waist. “Did you want to spend the night together?”

A part of her wanted to say no, wanted to untangle herself from the mess she got herself into. But even the small point of contact from Barry’s three fingers grazing her through the fabric of her dress was electric, so Laura nodded. “Yeah, you, um...you want to come by later, or follow me back, or…?”

“I’ll go home and take care of a couple of things, pack a bag, then swing by tonight if that works.” Barry grinned.

“Sure.” Laura nodded. Barry dipped down to give her a quick peck before he turned to make his way to his car.

“Wait…” Laura called out. Looking over his shoulder, Barry raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, but...I have to ask. Do you...do you have any other weapons in the car, Barry?”

Clenching his jaw, Barry shifted his weight. “No.” He truly didn’t, but as Laura watched him get ready for acting class earlier she’d sat atop more than a dozen handguns, a sniper rifle, and a plethora of other killing tools, oblivious, and the knowledge coated him in shame. “But, um...you should take that gun out of your trunk. If you get pulled over, you could get in trouble.” Barry wanted to ask her to give it back, he didn’t like the idea of Laura having a gun around, but he knew that wasn’’t going to happen. And the line ‘ _Well, I have a bunch of others, anyway’_ likely wouldn’t prove reassuring.

“Okay, I will.” Swallowing, they said goodbye and Laura watched Barry drive away before heading home. 

Pulling up the office directory on her phone, Laura scanned for who she thought might be a suitable replacement for Barry’s therapist. Perhaps it was mildly silly, but her finger slid right past Tanya, who though more than qualified and possessing immediate openings, was also young, buxom, and blonde. Deciding on the wisened Greta, a kindly woman who Laura knew had availability that coincided with Barry’s, she shot her an email, making up a bullshit story about how she had to pass along a client because her father was in Vietnam and she found working closely with a vet too upsetting.

Relieved to have an appointment for Barry in the works, Laura had some food and spent her evening cleaning and reading before Barry’s car rolled into her driveway, his tall form knocking on her door. 

“Hey there.” He grinned, bag slung over his shoulder as Barry bent down to kiss her cheek.

“Hey.” Laura smiled. “How was your day?”

Shrugging, Barry toed off his shoes. “Oh, not too eventful. Just had to do laundry and some errands.” By ‘errands’ Barry meant ‘recon,’ but as most people defined errands as something tedious and time consuming that you didn’t want to be doing, Barry figured it wasn’t a complete lie as he followed Laura to her bedroom.

Tossing his bag in a chair, Barry wrapped an arm around Laura from behind, pulling her scarlet hair to the side and brushing his lips over her neck. Humming in delight, Laura’s fingers trailed over his forearm as Barry massaged her breast over her dress for a moment before sneaking beneath the cup of her bra, releasing one side and passing his thumb over her nipple.

Cock thickening beneath his jeans, Barry pressed forward into her round ass, lowering the straps of Laura’s dress and peppering kisses over her shoulders. Laura leaned back against him, eyes closed as she slithered an arm back to palm Barry’s crotch as he moved against her.

Unzipping her dress, the fabric pooled on the floor and Barry unsnapped her bra, Laura tossing it aside as his large hand crept down her abdomen, dipping below the waistband of her panties. Fingertips grazing her clit, Barry’s breath was warm and ticklish against her ear as his firm arm braced across Laura’s chest and he ground himself into the crack of her ass. 

Rolling her hips forward into his fiddling fingers, Laura moaned, her neck resting back on Bary’s broad shoulder. “Yeah, does that feel good?” Barry whispered, lips dragging over the sensitive skin below her jaw as his hand spun. “Do you like the way I touch you?”

“Yes…” Laura breathed, rocking rapidly. “You feel so good, Barry.” 

Crouching a little, Barry twisted his wrist, sinking two lengthy fingers deep inside of her, thumb racing over her clit. A shriek escaped her lips as Laura came to her toes for a moment, bending and forcing Barry forward with her before he straightened them up and began pulsing inside of her. “Yeah, is that good? You like that? You like when I fuck you with my hand? Hmm?” Voice tender and ragged, Barry’s pelvis frantically rubbed into her as he thrust his arm and moved over Laura’s clit.

“ _Yes! Fuck, Barry! Yes! I’m gonna cum! Fuck!”_ Shaking, Laura’s body contracted, pitching them forth once again as Barry stilled his hand and her feet slid over the floor. Righting her, Barry gently shifted Laura to one side, arm holding her aloft as he captured her mouth, tongues knitting together as he took half a step toward the bed. 

Laura grabbed the hemline of his shirt, peeling it overhead before breaking away from their kiss and admirably running her fingers through the sparse dark hair on his built chest. Unzipping his jeans, she pushed them down Barry’s thick thighs a little and he shrugged out of them the rest of the way. 

Unable to see his body the first time they were together, Laura stared openly, enjoying the sight of Barry’s expansive shoulders, firm arms, endearing little belly and love handles, and legs that looked as though they were carved from alabaster. Slinking out of her panties, Laura directed Barry to sit on the bed, tossing a leg over his lap and straddling him.

Fingers carding through his chestnut hair, Laura gazed into his dark blue eyes as she notched Barry’s cock between the slick lips of her pussy, hips rolling back and forth. “Are you going to ride me?” Barry grabbed two handfuls of her ass, pulling Laura against him as he swiveled his hard cock forward.

Smiling, Laura reached between them and positioned herself over his cock. “Definitely.” Sinking down, her eyes closed in bliss and Barry emitted a deep groan of pleasure as she rotated her hips to ensconce him inside. Draping her arms over his vast shoulders, Barry placed his thumb over her clit, twiddling as Laura began to bounce. Driving herself down on Barry’s thick cock, Laura tossed her head back, auburn waves dancing as she moaned.

“ _Oh fuck, Barry! Yes! So good!”_ Digging his heels into the carpet, Barry scooted to the edge of the bed, clamping his free hand over Laura’s hip as he rammed inside of her.

“Yeah, you like that?” Speaking through gritted teeth, every muscle in his sculpted jaw highlighted, Barry’s hips rocketed forth. “You like the way I fuck you? Huh?”

Locking her ankles behind him, Laura leaned back, Barry’s cock hammering into her cluster of nerves again and again as screams tumbled from her lips and she undulated above him. “ _Fuck! Yes! I love it, Barry! Don’t stop! Fuck!”_

Sensing Laura constricting around him, Barry’s thumb doubled its effort over her clit and she seized, body curling forward against him and digging her nails into his back as she shuddered and her eyes rolled. “ _Fuck, Barry! Fuck!”_

Flipping her down onto the bed, Barry wrapped both of his arms across Laura’s back, hooking over her shoulders as he pounded into her. “ _Yes! Laura! You feel so fucking good! Yes! Fuck!”_ Burying his face in the crook of her neck, Barry’s stubble chafed as he whimpered, humping wildly as he held her firm. “ _Fuck! I’m gonna cum! Fuck! FUCK!”_ Muscles straining, a stuttered whine rose in Barry’s throat before he shot warm cum inside of her, body falling limp and gasping for air.

Chests heaving, Barry nuzzled Laura, pressing kisses to her jaw, her cheek, her lips as he removed his arms to comb back her sweaty red hair. Laura massaged the small of Barry’s back, legs wrapped around him and gently swaying them back and forth as their dewy skin dried.

Eventually rolling off, Laura nestled under Barry’s strong arm, careless of the fact that his cum was leaking out of her onto the sheets as she couldn’t seem to stop smiling. Planting a kiss atop her head, Barry’s lengthy fingers drew invisible patterns over the skin of Laura’s arm and her fingers trickled through his chest hair before they both noticed their eyes getting heavy and slunk down on the mattress. Folding herself into his long body, Barry held her and Laura drew their clasped fingers up to her heart. Before he slept, Barry kissed the nape of her neck, tasting Laura’s salty skin and drifting off on the citrus scent of her hair.

Muted blue moonlight flooding the room, the hour was unclear when Barry thrashed below the covers, limbs kicking and tossing his chiseled face from side to side. “ _No! I’m sorry! Please!”_ His slightly nasal voice called out with a terrified groan, causing Laura to stir beside him.

Seeing Barry’s flailing form, Laura touched his shoulder, shaking him and trying to avoid a flying fist. “Barry. _Barry!_ Wake up! You’re having a nightmare!”

Deep blue eyes snapping open, wet and wide, Barry scuttled to the head of the bed, breath shallow and rapid as he stared at her for half a moment before his face crumpled. Turning away, Barry sat on the edge of the mattress, hand wiping at his brow as his broad shoulders shook. “I...I’m sorry…” Barry murmured, voice thick.

“Oh Barry, _no_ …” Crawling behind him, Laura wrapped Barry in one arm, the other rubbing slow circles against his back as she rested her chin on his shoulder and spoke soothingly. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. Nightmares are scary. It’s alright.”

Shaking his head, Barry took Laura’s hand. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this.” He sniffed.

“I don’t mind at all.” Pressing a kiss to his shoulder, Laura wended her fingers through his dark wavy hair. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

Facing her, Barry settled back down on the bed, hand resting at Laura’s waist. “No. I just want to forget.”

“Okay.” Laura nodded. Cupping his crisp jaw, she leaned forward to kiss his forehead and Barry’s lips found their way to her neck, hand sneaking down to grab Laura’s ass.

Meeting Barry's light pink lips, Laura wove their tongues together, fingers trickling down to ghost over his thickening cock. “Do you want me to suck you, Barry?" She asked, playing with his hair with her other hand. “Help you get back to sleep?”

“Yeah.” Barry nodded insistently. “Yes please.”

Laura guided Barry onto his back, hands flowing over his skin as she kissed her way down his strong and soft body. Kneeling between his legs, she took his thick cock in hand and lowered herself, lips wrapping around the head and darting out her tongue over the slit before whipping it around. Sinking down, she took about half of Barry’s length into her throat, jerking his shaft up in time with the bobbing of her head.

“Mmm...that’s good.” Barry purred, large hands coming down to rest on Laura’s scalp. Sheathing Barry to the root, Laura undulated the muscles of her throat, tongue pressing firmly on the underside of his cock as she fondled his balls. “ _Fuck, Laura, yes…”_ Barry moaned, heels kicking a little in the sheets as his fingers wound into her hair. Moving rapidly, saliva dripped from the corners of Laura’s lips and she hummed around Barry’s sensitive flesh as he writhed beneath her.

“Laura, can I…” Clenching his eyes, Barry bit his lip. “Could I...you know...thrust a little...maybe? If not it’s okay. This feels so fucking good.”

Popping off, Laura continued pumping his cock, pressing a kiss to Barry’s hip. “You want to fuck my face, Barry?”

Blinking, Barry looked down and saw the mischievous grin playing over Laura’s mouth. “Yeah. So fucking badly.”

Nodding, Laura licked a wide swath from the base of his cock all the way to the tip. “Do it. Fuck my throat, Barry. I’ll pinch your thigh if I need you to stop, alright?”

“Yeah, okay.” Barry nodded hurriedly, and as soon as Laura’s lips were around him, Barry’s big hands pushed her down and his hips propelled forward. “Fuck... _fuck. Yes!_ ” Immediately Barry began shoving Laura down and pounding into her face, seeking the warm wetness of her throat and whimpering helplessly as he rocked up and down on the bed. “ _Oh Laura! Yeah! Your fucking mouth! Fuck! Yeah!”_

Jutting her tongue forward to avoid gagging, Laura held on, the sounds emanating from Barry arousing her to the point that she began fingering herself furiously, other hand caressing his balls as she moaned around his cock. 

Left eye twitching, Barry humped with a vengeance, Laura’s lips gliding over his cock as the head hit the smooth surface of the back of her throat again and again. “ _Fuck, Laura I’m gonna cum! Can I cum in your throat? Please? Fuck!”_

Moaning in assent, Laura quivered around her own fingers, thighs snapping shut and lips parting around Barry’s cock as she cried out in ecstasy, precisely as Barry’s hips leapt forward, pulse after pulse of salty cum painting the back of her throat, cascading down the insides of her cheeks and pooling at the base of his cock as her loose mouth panted around him.

“Oh fuck...Laura, _fuck…”_ Raising his hands to his face, Laura extricated herself, grabbing a corner of the sheet to wipe her eyes and mouth before laying next to Barry and petting his chest.

“Feel better?”

Blinking at the ceiling, Barry let out a deep breath. “Much. Thank you.” Shifting onto his side, his hand grasped Laura’s waist. “Want me to do you now?”

“Oh, I came. I’m good.” Laura shrugged. “It’s late, we should just go to sleep.”

Pulling his head back, Barry looked at her curiously. “What do you mean you came?”

“I touched myself.” Laura responded simply.

A slow smirk spread over Barry’s lips. “Oh yeah? Wow…” He raised his prominent dark eyebrows. “That’s...I mean, I heard you moaning and everything, but...that’s pretty hot.”

Picking at the corner of her pillow, Laura lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know, maybe it’s strange but...doing that, you know, going down...it just always turns me on.”

“Hmm…” Barry considered. “Me too. When I do, I mean. Not that you sucking me isn’t a turn on, obviously. But I just love going down on you. There’s something about it, the, um…” Staring off in the distance, Barry searched for the word.

“Vulnerability.” Laura supplied.

“Yes.” Barry snapped his fingers, eyes wide. “So fucking hot.”

Grinning, Laura pushed back Barry’s hair. “Agreed.”

Barry smiled back at her before squeezing Laura’s hand. “Would you…” Voice soft, Barry’s eyes fell to the sheets. “Would you hold me again? Until I fall asleep.”

“Of course.” Laura nodded. Barry flipped around and Laura’s arm curved around his larger body, placing a kiss on his shoulder. She waited until she heard Barry’s breathing grow steady and peaceful before rising to her elbow, checking his handsome face. Tension resided around his brow, his fingers still loosely gripping hers as his eyes darted back and forth beneath the lids. Laura hoped that this time, Barry’s dreams offered refuge to the beautiful, broken man laying beside her.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking so long to update. I’ve been inundated with requests (thankfully, I love them. Keep ‘em coming!) But ya boi is a people pleaser and I’ve been neglecting my own stories for that reason. Hope you like the new chapter!

Finishing up her documentation on the last patient, Laura narrowed her eyes at the computer screen and backspaced to correct a typo when she heard a knock at the door.

“Coming!” Rising from her swivel chair, Laura opened her office door and her breath caught when Barry, face gleeful and large hands aloft, greeted her excitedly.

“Laura, hey! I just had my first session with Greta and it was so great! I gotta tell you, I—“

“Barry, what the hell are you doing?” Laura lowered her voice, frantically looking down the hall and back. 

Face falling, Barry dropped his arms. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just—“

“You need to leave. Right now.” She didn’t want to be harsh, didn’t enjoy the way Barry’s tall frame folded in on itself at her scolding tone, but even if Laura could explain why she was talking to a former patient if a colleague emerged from their office, what she wouldn’t have been able to excuse was the way Barry beamed at her when she opened the door, head tilted and eyes soft. How he immediately stepped into the space of her body. How they were still standing at least half a foot too close for any doctor and patient to be considered reasonable.

”Right…I...I’ll go.” Swallowing hard, Barry bobbed his head, shoving his hands in his pockets and turning on his heels. As she watched him lurch down the hallway, Laura closed her eyes and sighed.

After her last client of the day, Laura checked her phone. Nothing. In their brief time together, Barry already proved himself incredibly attentive when it came to texting, something Laura appreciated. Whenever she broke for lunch, or had a free moment, she would often discover little endearments along the lines of ‘ _ Looking forward to tonight’  _ or ‘ _ Thinking about you’  _ and she found it undeniably sweet.

So their absence caused a burbling guilt to rise in her throat, worried she overreacted to Barry’s presence at the office. Thumbs tapping over the keyboard, she composed a message with a frown.

Laura:  _ Hey Barry. Sorry about today. I just got really nervous when you showed up unexpectedly. I hope everything’s okay. _

As she climbed into the car, Laura’s phone buzzed and she glanced at the screen.

Barry:  _ No I’m sorry. Guess I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to make you mad. _

Heart clenching, Laura furrowed her brow and chewed her lip.

Laura:  _ Barry, I’m not mad. I’m sorry if it seemed that way. I was just scared. Do you want to get together tonight? _

Barry:  _ Yeah. Can I come over to your place? _

Responding in the affirmative, Barry agreed to meet at her house in an hour, and when he showed up it was apparent he’d done a shift at Lululemon that day, sporting dark track pants and a light blue hoodie that clung tantalizingly to his firm chest and broad shoulders.

“Hey.” Eyes downcast, Barry gnawed on his lip as he stepped inside, fingers tapping at his thighs.

”Hey…” Laura reached out to stroke his arm, tilting her head. “Are you okay? I really...I didn’t mean to snap at you like that today. I…” Nodding, she offered an apologetic smile. “I could’ve handled that better.”

Barry shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just got so excited.” Holding up his large hands, Barry looked in between them, eyes wide for a moment before he let his arms drop. “I’m so stupid sometimes.”

“Oh Barry, you’re not stupid.” Laura caressed his stubbled cheek sadly. “It’s okay. Really.” Giving him a gentle peck, Laura ran her fingers through his short chestnut waves. “Now, what did you want to tell me?”

“Oh!” Face illuminating, Barry grabbed her hips in his exuberance. “So I was talking to Greta today, right? And she and I discussed how like…” Barry’s finger drew a circle in the air again and again as he stared at the ceiling, searching for the words. “How I’m never standing up for myself? And how I let people walk all over me and stuff? And how that related to having to be you know, what’s the word, um…” Snapping, Barry screwed up his face and looked off to the side. “Subservient! Yeah. In the military. And how it ties back to my dad and how I was always scared of what would happen if I didn’t do what he told me and...and yeah…” Bobbing his head, Barry smiled broadly. “It was just a really good session.”

Laura felt nauseous. The idea that Barry came from processing something like that when he knocked on her door, only for her to do practically the exact thing he was trying to get away from, commanding him with shame, made her face curdle. Quickly grounding the expression, Laura hitched a grin onto her lips. “That’s great, Barry! I’m really proud of you.”

“Thanks.” Barry lifted a vast shoulder. 

Stepping further into the house, Laura tried to shake off the guilt as she made her way to the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I was just going to make some pasta really quick if that’s okay.”

“Sounds great.” Smiling, Barry rubbed the small of her back. “Need any help?”

“No, I’m okay. Thanks though.” Not long after Laura dished up a puttanesca and they sat at the table, Barry humming appreciatively as he wrapped his wide mouth around a gargantuan bite and Laura stifling a chuckle as she watched him inhale his food.

Foot reaching under the table, Laura nudged his leg. “You look cute today, Barry.”

Pausing mid-chew, Barry glanced down at himself and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?” Pasta tucked into his cheek, his voice was muffled and Laura couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah.” She speared another bite of penne. “Not sure I love the idea of you looking so foxy at work though. All those lonely housewives coming in during the day…”

Barry giggled and shook his head. Then, setting down his fork, a sheepish smile blossomed on his face. “Well, today there was this one woman…” Blotchy pink hue rising up his neck, Barry’s lips barely moved through his smirk as his eyes shifted back and forth in embarrassment. “She, um...she asked what my mile time was and if I...if I ever ran around the area…” Rolling his eyes, a little giggle squeaked out and Barry continued. “Then she, um...she leaned in and said…” Barry lowered his voice and he looked like a young boy telling a dirty joke for the first time. “ _ But I bet you’re no minute man. _ ” Adorably flustered, Barry giggled, folding his lips under and shaking his head dismissively.

“Oh my goodness.” Laura laughed, slapping the table. “How very subtle of her. What did you say?”

Scooping another forkful into his mouth, Barry shrugged. “Told her my girlfriend and I run here all the time.” Oceanic eyes meeting her own, he winked.

Chuckling, Laura picked up her glass. “Well, I’m guessing that stopped her. Or I hope so, at least. But honestly…” Shaking her head, Laura paused to sip. “I’m not running unless I’m being chased. Screw that noise.”

Barry laughed. “Yeah, well…” His face broke into that slow, sexy smirk that Laura found so disarming, so alluring, that she sometimes considered asking Barry if he practiced it in the mirror as she knew some actors were wont to do. “We find  _ other ways  _ to burn off calories.”

“That’s true…” 

They continued eating in silence, eyes colliding and ricocheting off one another to be replaced by smirks as their bowls emptied and their desires filled. Carrying the dishes to the sink, Laura hummed when Barry’s powerful arms encircled her from behind, hand inching up to massage her breast through her blouse as his lips brushed over her neck. “Mmm…” Stubble scraping her skin, Barry’s fingers dipped into the cup of her bra, tweaking a nipple as he began gathering up the fabric of her skirt. “You know what seeing you at your office made me think about today?” Murmuring into her ear, voice low and sultry, Barry rocked his hips against her and Laura felt his half hard cock pass over her ass through his track pants.

“What’s that?” Arching back, Laura wound her fingers into his dark locks, other hand looping around his love handle as she swiveled her body. 

“How much I used to  _ ache _ to fuck you during our sessions…” Pushing her forward into the counter, Barry breached the waistband of her panties, spreading the lips of Laura’s pussy. “It was awful. I couldn’t concentrate at all half the time.” The tip of one long finger trailed up and down her clit with utmost precision, and when Laura tried rutting into his touch, Barrry pulled away, allowing her only the slightest amount of friction.

“Oh yeah?” Slithering her arm behind, Laura palmed his erection through his pants, finding the head of Barry’s thick cock and giving him a generous tug. “Tell me. What did you think about Barry?”

A deep chuckle rumbled up from his firm chest and Laura sensed the reverberations through her back. “Oh...so many things…” Continuing to stroke her with an almost malicious slowness, Barry’s mouth worked over her neck. Kissing. Licking. Biting.

“You would be just sitting there…” Pelvis grinding into her, Barry used his other hand to inch down her panties. “And I would have to stare at those sexy legs of yours…” Tugging down his own pants and boxers, Laura gasped when she felt his raw cock gliding into the crack of her ass. “And all I could think about was crawling to you on my hands and knees…” Two long fingers slipped alongside her clit, Laura wet and needy as she let out a soft moan. “And burying my face in that pretty pussy until I made you fucking  _ scream.” _

Laura bent her knees, dragging her ass up and down his thick cock and panting. “I…” Swallowing, Laura hesitated, but as Barry closed the focus of his fingers, fiddling faster, she was emboldened. “I thought about you, too, Barry. Before…”

“You did?” Note of surprise under his enticing tone, Barry’s hips stilled for half a moment.

“Yeah…” Laura nodded. “I...I had a dream…” Shoving herself back in hopes Barry would continue to rub against her, Laura let her eyes fall closed. “You were...going down on me and…” Licking her lips, Laura shook her head. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

Twisting his wrist, Barry hardly entered her with two fingers, teasing as his thumb swiped over her clit. “Did you touch yourself, Laura? Hmm?” Going a little deeper, Barry’s cock drove her forward onto his own hand. “Did you play with your pussy and think about me?”

Panting, Laura came up on her toes, trying to pull him into herself. “Yeah…” She didn’t want to admit it. Even to herself. Laura remembered that night. Vividly. It was a couple of days after the dream and she was lying in bed, scrolling through porn, vibrator aimlessly running over her inner thighs as she sought the ideal video. That’s when she saw the thumbnail. An image of a man with dark stubble and a strong jaw, only able to see the lower half of his face as the woman above him rode his eager mouth. 

Clicking on it, Laura made it halfway through before she tossed her phone aside, eyes clenched and noisier than she’d ever been on her own before as she came to her knees, bouncing on her vibrator and viciously rubbing her clit while imagining Barry’s chiseled features betwen her thighs.

“Mmm…” Plunging inside, Barry gripped her from within, drawing his fingers and thumb together and stimulating her g-spot and clit forcefully so that Laura’s mouth dropped open, wordless, and her arms stuck out at odd angles. “Did you cum, Laura? Did you cum thinking about me?”

“ _ Yes, Barry! _ ” Feet scrambling over the linoleum, Laura cried out helplessly. “ _ Yes! Fuck, you make me cum so hard! _ ”

“Fuck, you too, Laura…” Humping her into the counter, Barry pulsed inside of her and Laura cinched around his practiced hand. “I used to think about you and I would get  _ So. Fucking. Hard.”  _ Slamming her forward with each word, Barry’s breath was hot on her neck as Laura screamed and writhed in his strong arms. “And I would jerk myself, and cum thinking about how badly I wanted to touch you. Taste you.  _ Fuck you.” _

“ _ Oh Barry, please! Please! Fuck me! Fuck me, now!” _ Tugging on his dark hair, Laura shouted, and when Barry’s rounded teeth sank into her neck, she let out a yelp of delight.

“Gladly.” Barry broke away from her, yanking Laura’s hips back and kicking her heels apart with one large foot before taking his cock in hand. He didn’t remove his fingers, but instead shoved his cock inside of her on top of them, and Laura’s finger’s splayed on the countertop at the exquisite stretch.

“Mmm... _ fuck… _ ” Barry groaned, and for a moment they were joined and frozen. And then, as if he were working against a deadline, Barry began vigorously pounding her, his hammering cock forcing his fingertips into the sensitive cluster of nerves again and again. 

“ _ Barry! Barry, fuck! So good! _ ” Sure she wouldn’t be able to remain upright were it not for the counter holding her aloft, Laura bore back on his massive cock, head hanging and throat screaming, before Barry snatched a handful of her auburn hair, wrenching her spine severely.

“Damn, I love fucking you, Laura.” He breathed, pummeling mercilessly, unrelenting as she constricted around him and dragged her nails over the granite. “ _ Yeah, cum on my cock! Fuck! I love making you cum! _ ” Shrugging down, Barry angled himself and, if possible, got deeper, seeking unknown recesses of Laura’s body, the world going quiet and hazy around her as yet another orgasm ripped through her flesh.

“ _ Barry...Barry...Barry… _ ” Repeating and unable to hear her own words, Laura quaked violently, legs jellied and skin dewy as Barry scooped her into his firm arms. 

“ _ Come on… _ ” Whispering, he lowered them, placing a wide palm between her face and the floor before he laid Laura flat. Weight settling on top of her, Barry’s other hand snuck under Laura, hooking over her shoulder, and he began relentlessly nailing her into the cool tile. “ _ Yeah! Laura! Fuck! Yeah!” _

Barry was somehow grunting and whimpering at the same time, sounds much like his body, equal parts hard and soft as he furiously barreled into Laura with his throbbing cock.

“ _ Fuck! Laura, you’re gonna make me cum! Fuck! You feel so good! Fuck! FUCK! _ ” Toes kicking and left eye twitching, Barry’s sculpted jaw gaped, body tipping back and forth with a fluttery whine before, hips jerking and head dropping, Barry smushed Laura into the floor, hot cum draining inside of her as they gulped air.

Laura’s after shocks continuing to flinch around his hypersensitive cock, Barry winced, puffing out his cheeks with a loud exhale and removing himself before flopping onto his back. “Shit…” Laura muttered, unable to raise her head as her breath condensed on the tile. “That was a good one.”

Nodding weakly, Barry lifted a lazy hand with the intent of combing through her red hair, but mostly just managed to pat Laura’s head. “Yeah...so good.”

The two of them nearly passed out on the kitchen floor, half exposed and sprawled awkwardly, but as her lids grew heavy, Laura snorted, blinking, and rubbed Barry’s chest. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Shedding their clothes in exhaustion, they climbed naked onto the mattress, Laura turning off the light before they were under the covers and blindly finding her way into the curve of Barry’s warm body, snuggling back against him. Barry kissed her shoulder, her neck, a deep sigh of contentment echoing behind her before Laura floated off to sleep on the peaceful sound of his breathing.

***

Phone buzzing again, Barry glanced down at it and sighed.

Fuches:  _ Gotta see you pronto, buddy. New job. Call me. _

Barry knew he could put Fuches off for a few hours, even a day, but eventually he would have to deal with him, like a gnat flying around his head he had no choice but to allow to land on his face, powerless to swat it away.

Barry didn’t want to see Fuches. Didn’t want to get another hit assignment that would leave him feeling like an aberration of humanity who shouldn’t be allowed to walk the earth. 

What he did want was Laura. And so, ignoring a second text from Fuches that came in a few minutes later, he composed one to her instead.

Barry:  _ Hey, what’re you up to? _

When the dots began to dance less than a minute later, Barry smiled.

Laura:  _ Good timing. Just got home. You want to hang out? _

Trying to shove thoughts of Fuches from his mind as he drove to her house, Barry knocked on the door and grinned when Laura answered in a faded Star Wars t-shirt and gym shorts. 

“Hey there.” Tipping up to capture his pink lips, Laura scratched under Barry’s chin and smiled.

“Hey.” Barry gave her ass a pat when she turned into the house and she looked over her shoulder with a coy smirk. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, pretty good.” Collapsing on the couch, Laura draped her shapely legs over his lap once Barry sat down. “Had a couple of rough sessions today, but overall not bad. Sorry…” She glanced back at the kitchen and made a face. “I grabbed something to eat on the way home. I can make you a sandwich or something…”

Barry shook his head, fingers trailing over her calves. “Nah, I’m good. Thank you though.”

“How are you doing?” Laura nudged him with a toe, tossing back her scarlet hair.

“Well…” Chewing his lip, Barry glanced at her in trepidation. He wanted Laura’s advice, but he had to frame it carefully. “I’m...I’m having a problem with this guy, actually.”

Sitting up, Laura tilted her head. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Barry nodded. “He, um...he keeps pestering me to hang out with him and I don’t want to, but I don’t know how to get out of it.”

Folding her hands in her lap, Laura blinked. “Why don’t you feel like you can say no?”  _ Laura...you’re not his therapist anymore. Stop it. _

Screwing up his mouth, Barry shrugged his mountainous shoulders. “Well, he’s...he’s an old family friend. He was close with my dad, and…” Barry swallowed, bobbing his head. “When my dad died he pretty much looked out for me, you know? And when I got back to the States…” Holding up his hands in defeat, Barry sighed. “He was one of the only people who made sure I was alright. So I guess...I guess I just feel guilty.”

_ Damn it.  _ Laura was supposed to be Barry’s girlfriend, not his doctor. But if she was honest, she ended up playing therapist with most of the people in her life whether she wanted to or not. Listening to others and offering an empathetic ear came naturally. It was a difficult habit for her to break.

“It sounds like you need to set some boundaries with him, Barry.”  _ Ugh, you’re even doing the ‘repeat-his-first-name-to-establish-trust’ thing. Laura...get ahold of yourself.  _

Barry knit his prominent eyebrows together. “How do I do that?”

“Clearly state your needs and expectations in the relationship.” Laura offered, Holding up a hand. “And try to stick to ‘I’ statements. Not using any accusatory ‘you’ ones can keep someone from flaring up, particularly if they’re manipulative.”

Crossing his arms, Barry shifted on the cushion to face her. “What do you mean?”

“Well, like…” Looking to the ceiling, Laura’s fingers groped in the air. “Like instead of saying. ‘You’re always hassling me and it’s really annoying’ that’s kind of a dramatic example, but you know what I mean, you could say, ‘I need space and I would feel more comfortable if we didn’t get together’.”

“Huh.” Glancing off to the side, Barry bobbed his head. “But...but won’t that still make him angry anyway?”

“Maybe.” Laura shrugged. “But you don’t have any control over that. Why are you afraid of him being angry with you, Barry?”

_ Because of Korengal. Because of the Chechens. Because Fuches knows I fucking kill people.  _ “Because I…” Mouth hanging open in silence, Barry closed it, sighed. “Because I don’t want him to be disappointed in me…” Eyes falling to his lap, Barry’s hands fidgeted. “He...I don’t have a lot of people in my life and, um…” Teeth clenching, Barry’s jawline flickered. “I don’t know…”

Voice soft, Laura reached out to touch his forearm. “It sounds like you’re not ready to let this person out of your life.”

“No.” Barry shook his head in resolve. “I want to be done with him.”

“You’re sure about that?” Laura asked quietly, giving him a squeeze.

Gazing into her eyes, green pools of understanding and patience, Barry took a deep breath. “I...I don’t know, I guess…”

Laura nodded. “Well, I think you have to figure that out first, Barry. Before you do anything. Otherwise…” Shaking her head, she gave him a sad half smile. “You’re going to go into that conversation with confused intentions and it probably won’t go well.”

“Hmm.” Sitting silently, Barry absorbed her words and chewed on the inside of his lip. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Barry clasped a hand behind her neck, lassoing her in and kissing Laura’s forehead. “Thank you.”

Laura rubbed his little belly. “Of course.”

Curling up on the couch, they discovered  _ Ferris Bueller’s Day Off _ about ten minutes in and as Laura rested on his built chest, the sound of Barry’s uncontrollable, high-pitched giggles was reassuring. It wasn’t that Barry was mopey, or even appeared particularly depressed since that night on the hill, but Laura still worried. 

Sometimes when Barry didn’t think she was watching, Laura noticed a haunted weight settling over his handsome features. A hollowness to those pretty sapphire eyes, a tension around the mouth and brow that spoke of horrors untold and surfacing memories. 

So to hear his unbridled glee, even if it was in response to a silly movie, was a relief, and Laura tucked her arms around him, giving Barry a squeeze and breathing in his delicious scent.

At some point after the parade scene she must’ve drifted off, because Laura woke to Barry kissing the top of her head and patting her ass, credits rolling on the screen. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Shucking off his jeans and button up, Barry slid into bed beside her in his boxers and undershirt, threading a strand of crimson hair behind her ear. “You too sleepy?” He raised an eyebrow, hand trickling down to her waist. 

“Nope.” Laura smiled, scooting in to him and linking their mouths. She wondered if she would ever tire of the way Barry absolutely encased her with his body each time they started up, rolling on top of her, his wide frame caging Laura and wonderfully heavy as his strong limbs enveloped her in an adoring cocoon.

Wedging her arm between them, Laura crept into the heat of Barry’s boxers and gripped his burgeoning erection, thumb rubbing the head before she parted from his lips. “I want to use my mouth.”

Chuckling, Barry made his eyebrows dance. “Okay then.” Barry shifted onto his back and Laura removed his boxers, pausing, then encouraging him to sit up so she could take off his shirt as well before flowing her hands over his skin. 

“I like seeing all of you.” She smiled as her fingers wrapped around his cock. 

“Hey…” Barry tapped her shoulder, and giggled a little “No fair. I want to see you naked, too.”

Scoffing in mock-annoyance, Laura rolled her eyes. “Well, if you insist.” Barry chuckled as she stood and disrobed, rubbing his hands together and running his tongue over his teeth lasciviously. “Better?”

“Much.” Barry nodded in approval as Laura lowered herself, but just as her lips touched his cock, he stopped her again. “Hang on. Come up here.”

“What?” Laura ticked up an eyebrow. “You don’t want me to anymore?”

“No, I mean…” Holding two fingers aloft, Barry swerved them around. “Let me do you at the same time.” Pouting his pink lips in a way that drove Laura mad, his eyebrows shot up. “Get on my face.”

“Oh.” Smiling, Laura nodded. “Okay then.” Placing a knee on either side of Barry’s head, Laura positioned herself and bent forward, taking his cock into her mouth and holding the majority of her weight aloft.

“Ah.” Barry looked up at the pink, glistening flesh parted before him and hummed. “Come  _ here. _ ” Powerful arms coiled around her waist and before Laura realized what was happening, Barry dragged her down onto his sharp jaw, burying his face in her pussy with a moan.

“Oh!” Knees spreading, Laura allowed his cock to drop from her mouth in surprise as Barry licked at her voraciously. “Oh...oh  _ fuck… _ ” Taking him back in, Laura hollowed her cheeks, stroking his thick shaft to her lips as he began grinding into Barry’s face. Stubble chafing her thighs, Barry kneaded the flesh of her ass, holding her firmly against himself as he rapidly lapped and Laura fought to maintain her concentration.

Sinking the wet circle of her mouth to his root, Laura undulated the muscles of her throat, pleased when Barry’s hips rose and he drove himself deeper with a loud groan. Barry thrust into Laura’s face as her noises of ecstasy vibrated around him. Raising a wide hand, he smacked her ass exuberantly, and when she squealed around his driving cock, he couldn’t resist doing it again. And again, locking his pink lips over her clit and sucking urgently.

As she quivered around his sculpted features, Laura’s lips grew loose and uncoordinated, screams creeping out of the corners of her mouth as she desperately tried to keep him ensconced in her throat. But when Barry penetrated her with three of his long fingers, hooking deep and pulsing fast, Laura tossed her head back, shrieking and riding his face as she frenetically jerked his substantial cock. 

“ _ Barry! Barry! Fuck! Yes! Fuck!” _ Face sopping and mouth insatiable, Barry continued, but his pelvis inched up toward her, seeking the moist heat he lost and whining against Laura’s sensitive flesh.

Gobbling his cock again, Laura urgently bobbed, fondling his balls as Barry’s cock hammered into her mouth. Hand leaving her ass, Barry clamped down on her scalp, heels digging into the mattress. The fresh angle allowed him to go further down her throat than ever before, and the slick surfaces were making him drunk with lust as a whimper tumbled from Barry’s lips that sounded as though he’d been kicked in the stomach. 

Tongue stopping in his frenzy, Barry viciously spun over Laura’s clit as he held her down on his cock and barreled into her mouth. “ _ Laura! Laura! Suck me! Fuck, don’t stop!” _

Muffled words issuing from beneath her thighs, Laura allowed the saliva to drain from her mouth unbridled, gliding over Barry’s cock with incredible velocity as he sought immediate release. 

“ _ Laura! Yeah! I’m gonna cum! Fuck! Laura! FUCK!” _ Barry whined into her thigh, large hand twisting in her red hair as his entire body squirmed. Stuttering forward, he yelped out in a high-pitched, vulnerable voice. “ _ Oh fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”  _ And Barry was positioned so far in her throat Laura got a mere hint of the salty taste as his cum flooded her, shooting into Laura’s depths as his left eye twitched and his thick thighs shook before her watering eyes.

“Laura...Jesus fucking Christ... _ fuck… _ ” Barry panted, removing his hand so Laura could rise to wipe her eyes and mouth.”Okay...alright...I’m...yeah…” He seemed to be talking to himself and as Laura craned her neck back, she felt Barry nod between her legs before he dove in.

Mouth fused over her clit as though he were dependent on it for oxygen, Barry penetrated Laura with his fingers and she fell forward, cheek on his hip and shrieking. “ _ Barry! Fuck! Yes! Yes! Don’t stop! _ ”

Hands curling under his thighs and carving her nails into his flesh, Laura’s pelvis seemed to move of its own volition, boring down on his crisp jaw, all worries of smothering him gone as Laura found herself awash in a physical euphoria she didn’t imagine possible, unsure which orgasm was overtaking her, losing count as they crashed together seamlessly.

“ _ Barry! Barry! I...I… _ ” Tamping mercilessly against her g-spot and mouth working her clit with ravenous intent, Laura convulsed above him, a screaming, shaking mess of tossed limbs for a minute, and then suddenly, she was limp.

Tongue continuing, Barry thought Laura was in the brief valley between peaks, but after a minute when she didn’t move or make a sound, he pulled his head back. “Laura?”

Nothing. Barry patted her ass. “Laura?” She didn’t stir. Panicked, Barry hoisted her floppy form off of himself, Laura’s head lolling as her body listlessly laid on the bed. “Oh fuck! Laura?  _ Laura!”  _ Yelling, Barry tapped her face, then put his fingers to her carotid. Strong and normal. Peeling back her eyelid, still Barry got no response. “Shit.” Standing, he rushed to the kitchen. “ _ Shit, shit, shit. _ ” 

Returning with a glass of cold water, Barry tossed it in her face and, with a mighty whoop of air, Laura sprang up, blinking and dripping. 

“What the fuck?” Glaring at him indignantly, Laura swiped a hand over her soaked visage. “What the hell did you do that for?”

Dark blue eyes wide and head shaking, Barry stammered. “I...I’m sorry, but you...you…” Chest heaving, he licked his lips. “You...fainted or something and I...I got scared... _ fuck _ , Laura…” Dropping the arm holding the glass, Barry’s other hand went to his brow and his eyes clenched. “I thought…” Barry took a breath and let it out slowly before turning and sitting on the bed. “For a minute there I thought you were fucking dead.”

Head hanging and mouth open as though he were going to be sick, Laura noticed Barry trembling. “Oh.” Body weak from their activities, Laura delicately moved closer to him and put her arm across his broad shoulders. “Oh, I’ve...I’ve heard of this it….it never happened to me before, but, um…” Trying not to smile as Barry was obviously distressed, Laura cleared her throat. “Barry, I...I think you made me cum so hard I passed out.”

Barry faced her, blinking. “That’s...a thing?” Raising a dark eyebrow, he looked at her incredulously.

“Yeah.” Laura rubbed his arm. “So…” Giving Barry a little nudge, she smirked. “Good job.”

“Oh.” The proud smile that bloomed on Barry’s face, blue eyes shifting, cheeks pink, and head bobbing, was quite possibly the cutest thing Laura ever witnessed. Especially since Barry’s cheeks shone with her essence, and his dark tendrils stuck up in every direction, pink lips even brighter than usual in their swollen state. “Thanks…” He muttered.

“Oh no, Barry…” Chuckling, Laura scrunched her fingers through his chest hair. “Thank  _ you.” _

Barry giggled and, after they changed the wet sheets, they nestled together in bed, and Laura noticed Barry’s arms were exceptionally tight around her, but figured if it soothed his fears it wasn’t much of an inconvenience to be slightly uncomfortable until he fell asleep.

***

Waking early, Barry watched Laura get ready for work. Recently he discovered he liked to perch in the bathroom doorway, observing as she applied her makeup. Barry wasn’t sure why, but something about Laura’s expression of concentration, paired with the purposeful, slow movements of the products and tools over her beautiful face and the resulting transformation, though he found her stunning without a stitch, was fascinating to him.

With a kiss goodbye that tempted Barry to ask her to call in sick, he lifted his hand in a wave and drove back to his apartment, sifting over the memories of their night together and grinning.

As he rounded the corner to his building, Barry was rudely thrown from his reverie by the presence of Fuches, leaning against his car, gaze tracking Barry as he parked.

“Hey buddy.” Fuches’ broad smile that never quite met those glinting eyes flashed at him. “Long time no see.”


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Again, apologies for the delay in updating. Just working a lot on requests. Please check the tags again with this new chapter, as I have updated them and there is some content folks might find upsetting. Thank you to anyone reading and sticking by this story, I truly appreciate it!

Fingers tapping feverishly at his thigh, Barry bobbed his head with what he hoped was a disarming grin. “Hey Fuches.”

“Hey.” Eyes slowly slipping from Barry to his car, Fuches’ falsely cheery smile didn’t falter and his hands remained in his pockets. “Where you been, pal?”

Shrugging his broad shoulders, Barry mirrored Fuches in an attempt to hide his fidgeting, fisting his hands into the pockets of his track pants. “Oh, just acting class.”

“Nope.” Rod of steel creeping into his voice, Fuches’ gaze narrowed and he sucked on his teeth. “Try again, buddy. You think I didn’t check there after you’ve been dodging me for over a week? I know the schedule by now.” Head ticking tauntingly from side to side, Fuches chuckled merrily. “No classes today.”

Barry swallowed, tall frame rattling as he shifted his cobalt eyes away. “I...I was with a friend.”

“So…” Sniffing, Fuches crossed his arms and looked away. “You picking up work with someone else? Is that what’s going on here, Barry?”

“No.” Barry held up his palms defensively. “Nothing like that. Really, just...just a real friend.”

“Alright, well…” Posture relaxing, Fuches hands returned to his pockets but his smile did not creep back to his face. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Got a job. And the clock…” Fuches tapped a nonexistent watch on his wrist. “Is ticking. You’ll have to get to it right away since you ignored me for so long.”

Inhaling, Barry tried to recall Laura’s advice.  _ Clearly state your needs and expectations. Stick to ‘I’ statements… _

“Fuches, I...I don’t want to do this anymore…” Gaze falling to the ground, Barry’s nose flared and he resolved to continue, albeit in a soft voice. “I...I’m done.”

Silent, Fuches’ stare bore into Barry mercilessly until his fingers resumed their irrepressible fiddling. “Barry, you can’t just walk away from this.” Fuches offered a light hearted chuckle. “Come on now, everything we’ve been through? And you’re the best there is, Barry, you have a gift.”

“A gift?” Storm clouds gathering behind his dark blue eyes, the muscle in Barry’s sharp jawline flashed in warning. “That’s what you think?”

Scoffing dismissively, Fuches waved him away. “Oh, you know I just mean you’re skilled. No one better. Besides…” Gaze hardening, Fuches mouth settled into a flat line. “What else are you going to do, Barry? Huh?”

“I…” Barry gritted his teeth, eyelids clenching. “I’m not taking another job after what happened last time…”

Fuches made an attempt at a consoling tone. “Oh, come on now, Barry, that...that was an accident…”

Inches from Fuches’ face, Barry growled menacingly, finger pointing and shaking with rage. “How could you not tell me? How? How the fuck could you let me go in there and--”

“Barry, I told you, I didn’t know, I--”

“I don’t believe you!” Barry roared, throwing up his arms before turning on his heel, bringing a trembling hand to his brow. 

“Barry…” Eyes closed and telling himself to breathe, Barry didn’t shrug off Fuches’ hand when it landed on his broad shoulder. “Come on now, that...you gotta let that go. That was a one time thing. This...this next job. It won’t be anything like that. I swear.”

Forming a fist, Barry shook his head. “No, Fuches. I’m out. No.”

“And what about me, Barry…” Fuches tilted his head, eyes pleading. “What do you think happens to me when I go back to the Chechens, after I told them you’d take this job, and…” Biting his lip, Fuches inhaled sharply. “And I go in there at the last minute and say you’re not going to do it?”

“I…” Opening his mouth, Barry hesitated. He wanted to say he didn’t care, wanted to say Fuches could die, go to Hell, that it wouldn’t bother him one bit.

But that wasn’t entirely true. And as he swallowed, Laura’s words returned to him.  _ It sounds like you’re not ready to let this person out of your life... _

Breath shallow and arms flexed, Barry shut his eyes. “Alright…” Nodding, Barry deflated and blinked. “Alright, what is it?”

“There ya go, buddy.” Cupping Barry’s arm with a patronly air, Fuches’ grinned. “It’s all in here.” Fuches retrieved an envelope from his back pocket, folding it into Barry’s hands. “Thanks. Let me know when you’re done.”

Barry gave a tiny nod, watching as Fuches tossed his keys victoriously into the air before climbing into his car and driving away. 

Tearing open the assignment, Barry didn’t focus on the words, his mind wandering back to that harrowing night. 

Double checking the address given him by Fuches, Barry examined the house. No lights. No sound. Apparently Mitchell slept within peacefully. Normally Barry preferred to find a secret spot far away, perch high and quiet, pick him off, avoid seeing his face too closely. But Fuches was firm. The Chechens needed Mitchell gone tonight. No exceptions.

Scanning the perimeter for signs of a security system, Barry spotted none and cautiously approached, figuring it couldn’t hurt to try both the front and back doors before moving around to the windows. 

Thankful for the small pipe jutting up from the ground, Barry hoisted himself into what appeared to be a guest bathroom, carefully setting one large foot after the other onto the tile as he retrieved and cocked his gun. Sounds of a purring television greeted him as Barry swept the hall, slithering around the corner to discover Mitchell passed out on the couch. Half bottle of scotch on the coffee table, Mitchell snored on, oblivious to the flickering screen, to Barry, to death.

Flash. Bang. Barry supposed Mitchell would never know what happened. Perhaps that was kinder, if kindness bothered to dip a toe in the pool of his life anymore. Staring, Barry watched the dot, black in the dimness of the living room, trickle a rivulet down a face that, were it not for the punctured presence and Barry’s cursed knowledge, could be sleeping.

“Dad?”

Gasp. Arm snapping up. Finger twitching. 

Flash. Bang.

Body hitting with a sickening thunk, a cell phone skated across the floor to Barry, ‘9-1’ on the bright screen. Barry took a step. And then another. Hands an earthquake, face a hurricane. 

Barry was never good at this. Guessing their ages. Simply never spent enough time around them to know. Old enough that Barry thought the shadowy outline in the hall to be a man. Old enough that his brain whispered,  _ ‘Danger. Kill. Now’  _ before Barry could think.

But as Barry crouched over him, he looked so...young. Small. Fragile. And, Barry’s conscious roared as he fought to breathe, innocent.

Barry stumbled from the house, using the front door, careless of leaving it open behind him. A single solution remained. 

The hills called to him. Barry didn’t want to do it anywhere someone he cared about might find him. He knew better than anyone what stumbling upon that horror could do to a person. 

As he climbed, gun gripped loosely in his hand and stumbling over the brush, his brain flitted about haphazardly, a hummingbird of sadness and fear, seeming to drink from a dozen different sources at once.

Barry knew everyone would be better off without him. And yet he couldn’t stop wondering about what might be said after he was gone. Deriving some sort of sick pleasure about the hope that maybe, just maybe, someone would express woe, regret, grief. Perhaps Barry could become the neglected childhood toy in their lives. One never realized how much they wanted to play with it until they can’t find it anymore.

Barry thought about what Fuches might say. Cousineau. His friends in the acting class. And as he reached a point where the city sprawled out before him and the yawning heavens opened, Barry granting himself merely enough mercy to allow a pleasant view in his final moments, his thoughts turned to Laura.

No one ever treated Barry with warmth, with acceptance. Even Cousineau, when confessed about Korengal, barely restrained his shock. But not Laura.

_ And she’ll never know how much that means to me…  _

That one inkling, single sentence, nudged Barry into lifting the phone to his ear instead of the gun. Looking back, Barry was truly relieved he didn’t go through with it, though the guilt over killing Mitchell’s son ate away at the lining of his heart with a hateful acid Barry could neither escape nor shun. Refocusing, Barry studied the assignment before him with a resolute sigh.

***

Tossing his duffle bag in the back of the car, Barry gripped the steering wheel. Eyes closing, he took a breath. And then another. Barry rifled in his pocket for his phone. 

“Barry, hey buddy.” Tone almost unnervingly genial considering the late hour, Fuches picked up on the first ring. “How’s it going?”

“It’s done.” Barry bit off his words, determined to sever the tether between them. “And so am I.”

“Aw, come on, Barry, just--”

“No, Fuches.” Voice dead, Barry stared out into the darkness, crystals forming over his blue eyes. “It’s over.” Barry hung up, throwing his phone onto the seat beside him before he started the car.

***

Knock weaving its way into her unconscious, a dreaming Laura scurried opening doors and finding no one behind them until the bell rang with an insistent pounding and she snorted herself awake. 

Gummy eyes checking her phone and seeing it was after one in the morning, Laura turned on the lamp. “Coming!” As her voice grumbled, Laura wasn’t especially surprised when the banging on her door continued. “Yes, hang on.” Pulling back the curtain, she spotted Barry, clad in black and shifting from foot to foot before she undid the locks. “Barry?”

“Yeah, hi.” Cobalt eyes darting and lips folded under, Barry nodded altogether too quickly. “Sorry, um...did I wake you up?”

“Uh...yeah?” Scratching through her mussed hair, Laura glanced longingly back at her bedroom. “Is something wrong, cuz--”

Voice high and irregular, Barry drummed on his muscular thighs, weight resting on the balls of his toes. “But you’re awake now, right?” 

“I mean, I guess, but--”

Two large hands closed over her face and Barry latched onto her mouth, walking her backward into the house and kicking the door closed behind him. “Barry, what--?”

“Need you.” Tongue cramming back into her mouth, Barry groped wildly over her overlarge t-shirt, stumbling them to the back of the couch. Hauling Laura’s leg over his waist, Barry thrust forward, erection shockingly evident through his pants. 

“Barry, no!” Laura pushed at his solid chest, shaking her head away. 

Barry dropped her thigh and took a step back, but in the half second between the words leaving her lips and his fingers parting from her skin, the expression distorting Barry’s handsome features left Laura...scared.

Frozen blue eyes. Flaring nostrils. Rounded teeth ferociously exposed. A glimmer, nothing more. But Laura tugged the fabric down over her panties and took a half step away all the same. “Barry, what’s…” Swallowing, she glanced from him to the door. “What’s going on? What’re you doing here?”

“I…” Mountains of his shoulders eroding, Barry hardly whispered as he blinked at the floor. “I just wanted to see you…”

“And why couldn’t it wait until tomorrow?” Biting his lip, Barry shrugged, saying nothing. “Barry…” Head falling, Laura sighed. “I can’t....I need you to talk to me here, alright? I…” Mouth open, she shook her head indignantly. “I mean, what am I supposed to think? You show up unannounced in the middle of the night and you’re all over me and you’re just…” She let her words fall away. Laura couldn’t think of an adjective that wouldn’t make that hurt look on Barry’s face worse.

“I just...I’m…” Pressure building behind his eyes, Barry flicked out his wrists and inhaled sharply. “I’m having a hard time.” Voice tremulous, Barry swallowed, looking away. “And I, um…” Shaking his head, Barry’s mouth straightened and he huffed out a breath, blinking two rivulets of tears down his cheeks. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Okay, okay…” Holding out her arm, Laura corralled the weeping Barry toward her couch, perching herself a couple of feet away. She wanted to hold, to comfort, but the jarring shift from arousal to sorrow left her nervous. “Barry…” Keeping her voice soft, Laura rested a hand between them on the cushion. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Sniffing, Barry wiped the moisture from his cheeks. “No…” Barry met Laura’s emerald gaze, and as he feared, the inevitable waited for him: disappointment. “I’m sorry.”

“Barry, I…” Hand to her brow, Laura let out a slow breath and closed her eyes. “I...I don’t know what to do here. I mean…” Leaning back toward him, she studied his flushed face. “How am I supposed to be here for you if you won’t tell me what’s going on?”

Barry didn’t know. Didn’t know how to tell Laura that he came tonight because he needed to feel a living, breathing body under his hands after killing one. Didn’t know how to tell her about Fuches, about the fears smothering his mind, his heart. Didn’t know how to speak any words to her that wouldn’t necessitate Laura’s mandated reporting and her disappearing from his life forever.

But all Barry said was, “I don’t know…”

Laura fell silent. Picking at the edge of her t-shirt, she bit her lip. “Then Barry, um…” Throat tight, Laura stared at the coffee table, counting her books so as not to have to look at his face. “Then...I...I don’t think I can do this anymore…”

Barry told himself it was for the best. That Laura, like everyone else, would be better off without him. Safe.

But his skin rebelled. His hands roared in protest. Barry’s heart screamed that he was making a mistake. “I, um…” Idea forming, Barry cleared his throat. “I...I can try to talk about it.”

“Alright.” Facing him, Laura tucked a crimson strand behind her ear and Barry steadied himself.

“Okay, so, um...when I...when I was in Bakuba.” Pulling the corner of his sleeve down, Barry wiped his eyes. “I had...a friend. In my unit. And we...we went into this...situation, and he, um...” Barry swallowed, furrowing his dark eyebrows. “Well, he had to shoot someone and, um…” Grinding his teeth until he swore he tasted powder, Barry cut his eyes away. “Then, the, um...the...the guy’s son, he, um…” Sapphire eyes flooding, Barry’s voice broke. “He snuck up on us and so...so my friend...killed him, too.”

“Oh…” Scooching closer, Laura touched a hand to Barry’s vast shoulder. “Barry, I...I’m so sorry you had to witness that...that’s awful.”

Barry sniffed. “Yeah, my friend, he...he didn’t handle it well.”

“Yeah, I...can’t imagine.” Laura shook her head, sighing.

“Do you think…” Searching Laura’s green eyes, Barry took her hand. “Do you think someone can ever get over that? Doing that to a…” Face crumpling, a choking gasp left him and Barry covered his pink lips with trembling fingers.

Laura lowered her arm. Sitting back she took in Barry, the depth of his pain, the ghosts gliding behind his dark blue eyes.

“Barry, I…” Tucking her face against him, Laura rubbed slow circles into Barry’s wide back, voice gentle. “That’s something that...your friend might have to deal with for the rest of his life. But there are ways to manage. It...it’ll take time. He’ll…” Laura embraced Barry, touching a kiss to his rough cheek. “He’ll have to learn to forgive himself.”

Burying his face in her chest, Barry’s powerful arms coiled around her waist, sobs wracking his tall frame. Laura rocked him, fingers trickling through Barry’s chestnut waves. 

Barry cried until he was cold and tired, face puffy and pink when he finally rose. “Do you want to go to bed?” Laura squeezed his arm and Barry nodded wearily, taking her outstretched hand when she stood and following her to the bedroom. 

Stripping down to his boxers, Barry slipped into bed beside Laura and she turned off the light. “I’m sorry.” Barry whispered, folding her against himself as he kissed the nape of Laura’s neck. “I didn’t mean to...come here and…” Laura felt Barry’s gritty chin chafing back and forth as he shook his head.

“It’s okay.” Interlacing their fingers, she brought his large hand to her lips, kissing the knuckles. “But...what happened today? Is it…” Laura glanced over her shoulder. “Is it the anniversary or something?”

Barry blinked, nodding. “Yeah, it, um...was yesterday.”

“I’m so sorry.” Laura whispered. Turning around, she hugged Barry tight. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for…” Barry hesitated. Eyes closing, he tucked into her neck, fingers gripping hard. “For never making me feel like I’m evil.”

“Because you’re not.” Squeezing, Laura kissed his sculpted jaw. “You’re a good man, Barry.”

Barry caught her lips, resting their foreheads together. “You really think so?” Voice shattered, he gathered Laura against himself until her leg curled over his hip, inhaling her scent. 

“Yes.” Mouth moving against his ear, Laura petted over his dark locks. “So good, Barry.”

Rolling her back, Barry wove their tongues together, hips notching between Laura’s open legs. Barry broke away, pressing his scratchy cheek to hers, voice small, needy. “Can I?”

“Yeah…” Laura breathed, inching down his boxers. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, I just…” Hands beginning to scramble, Barry bunched Laura’s shirt up under her armpits, pawing at her exposed breasts. “I need…”

“Yeah.” Nodding feverishly, Laura latched onto his pink lips, trying to get her hand around Barry’s thickening cock. “Yeah…”

Noises of discontent leaked from between their joined mouths as Barry hooked under the waistband of Laura’s panties and tried to work them off her spread legs. “Just...just…” Growling, Barry tore Laura’s underwear off with one swift wrench, kicking his boxers away. Strong hands snatched her wrists, slapping them against her hips with a snarl and Laura saw that face, that expression that so startled her when Barry burst in not an hour before.

But now, eyes glowing black in the moonlight, rounded teeth bared, her pussy throbbed with desire as Barry hoisted up her knees, flattening her thighs against the mattress before positioning himself at her entrance, cock in hand. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Laura held her hands straight at her side, unsure why Barry positioned her that way until he clapped inside of her with a groan. 

“ _ Fuck!” _ Powerful arms vice-like around her, Barry tucked Laura into the crook of his neck, holding her restricted body steady as he began mercilessly pounding into her with his massive cock. Pink lips warm and breath urgent against her ear, Barry humped with frantic desperation. “Fuck, Laura, I love your pussy so damn much…” Words prisoners on the run from his solid chest, Barry’s voice came out reedy and vulnerable, cobalt eyes never quite drying in the mass of Laura’s scarlet hair. “I love fucking you...Please... _ Please _ , just…” The intense pressure of his grasp almost overwhelming as his shoving public bone ground over her clit, Laura’s thighs squeezed and she rotated her pelvis as much as she was able, moans rising. 

Barry sensed Laura’s internal fluttering, and he mashed their mouths together, grief wetting her cheeks. “Please…” Unable to slow himself, Barry nodded insistently. “Please cum, Laura, I…” Claiming her mouth, Barry inhaled her breath, her essence. “I need to feel it.  _ Please _ . I’m sorry…” Barreling forward recklessly, his python arms constricted. “ _ I’ll do better next time… _ ”

Hardly drawing enough breath to cry out, Laura’s heels kicked in the sheets. “ _ Yes! Barry! I’m cumming! Fuck! Fuck!”  _

“ _ Yeah! Yeah! Fuck! Fuck!” _ Closing around him and quaking, Barry exploded into Laura with a sob, fists arching her spine as he plunged his throbbing cock into the wet clutch of her pussy.

Barry shivered, unraveling and nestling down as small as he could while remaining inside of her. “I’m sorry…” Whispering into her collarbone, Barry sniffed, scratchy chin brushing over her pale skin as he shook his head. “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay.” Laura murmured, fingers threading through his dark locks. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Barry. If I didn’t like it, I would’ve asked you to stop.”

Touching a timid kiss to her cheek, Barry nodded, sweeping a wrist over his damp face. Laura started to separate them but Barry’s big hand closed around her elbow. “Can, um…” Barry nuzzled into her neck, speaking softly. “Can I stay inside? For...just a little while…”

“Okay.” Combing back his brunette tresses, Laura nodded. “But let me get on top of you, alright? You’re…” Laura chuckled, patting his expansive shoulder. “Well, you’re getting kind of heavy…”

“Oh, right.” Bobbing his head, Barry scooped her up, flipping onto his back and shuffling down. Legs parted over his waist, Laura sat up to grab the sheet, lifting it over them before using Barry’s firm chest as a pillow.

Noises of the Los Angeles night floating through the cracked window, the rise and fall of Barry’s breathing lulled Laura as his fingers danced over her back. Somewhere in the hazy delirium between wakefulness and sleeping, Barry’s voice reverberated into her bones. “ _ Laura...I’m in love with you… _ ”

***

Waking early the next morning, as Laura readied herself for work, allowing Barry to sleep, his face appeared young, peaceful. None of the horror haunting those eyes as they darted dreamily beneath the lids, none of the tension camping around those parted pink lips as he incoherently mumbled to himself and his sizable hands twitched over the sheets.

Emerging from the shower, a boxer clad Barry greeted her, scratching his little belly and yawning. “Morning.”

“Good morning.” Laura kissed his cheek, tickling under his chin as she switched places with him and made her way to the closet. Halfway through buttoning her blouse, Barry’s strong arms enveloped her from behind and she leaned back against him with a woeful smile. “Sorry, no time for that.”

“That’s okay.” Barry’s mouth swept into her neck, rubbing her arms and lowering his hands to her waist as Laura took a skirt off a hanger. “Hey did you, um…” Fingers squeezing her hip, Barry cleared his throat. “Did you hear what I said last night?”

Laura froze with the fabric in midair. Though Laura hoped Barry thought she was asleep, could save this conversation for another day, she supposed denying she knew what Barry referred to would be childish at this point. “Yeah.” Voice eking out falsely high, she nodded and bent over to step into her skirt. “Yeah, I did…”

Barry blinked. Chewing his lip, he traced a single finger down her back. “So, um…” Stepping forward, Barry lowered his head, voice hesitant. “What...what do you think about that?”

Shoe in hand, Laura turned around. “Barry, I…” Touching his built chest, Laura swallowed, seeking her words thoughtfully. “I...I’m a little concerned that you...that what you’re feeling is…” Barry furrowed his brow, tilting his head at her, and Laura inhaled sharply. “That...it’s more because I’m...someone...stable. And kind. In your life. Not…” Casting her eyes away, Laura let her arm fall. “...that.”

“But…” Barry took her hand, thumb rubbing over Laura’s fingers. “Laura, I really do love you, though.”

Shaking her head, Laura tried looking at him, but ended up facing the other side, unable to handle his piercing sapphire gaze. “Barry, I...I…” Laura crossed her arms, studying the floor. “I think you  _ think _ you love me. Because you feel better when we’re together. And because…” Gritting her teeth, Laura pinched her arm beneath her shirt. “Because I help you with your problems...which…” Sighing, Laura scrunched her toes in the carpet. “Which...might be a problem in itself.”

Barry took half a step back, tone low but firm. “I know what I feel, Laura…”

“Barry, there’s...there’s something called transference. When a patient--”

“No.” Shaking his head, Barry stared indignantly at her. “Don't...just because you’re a therapist doesn’t mean you can tell me what’s in my heart, Laura.”

Laura frowned, touching his arm. “Barry, I don’t want to upset you. I’m just worried. It...well, it hasn’t been that long. And things...well, we’ve been pretty intense, so…”

“I think…” Interlacing their fingers, Barry swallowed, eyes on the carpet between them. “Either you love me, too, and you’re afraid to say it…” Barry shrugged a vast shoulder, bobbing his head. “Or…” Dark blue irises drilled into her, pools of imploring torment. “Or you don’t love me back, and you’re afraid of hurting me.”

“Barry, I...I…” Mouth agape, Laura looked over his handsome, dejected features, at a loss.

Sighing, Barry let his head fall. “Right…” Barry nodded, stepping away. “Right…” 

Laura collapsed back into her clothes, unable to watch as Barry dressed, eyes brimming when she heard the door shut quietly behind him.

***

Barry went to acting class. To work. He called Greta and told her he was sick, wouldn’t be able to make it to that week’s therapy appointment. Barry knew it was foolish. Knew he needed to talk to someone. But the idea of bumping into Laura in the hallway...no.

Fuches called. Called again. Barry sent them all to voicemail. Deleted them. Deleted the texts, too. The last thing he wanted was a haranguing about how he needed to come back, needed to utilize his ‘gift.’ 

Lying awake at night, Barry stared at the ceiling, sounds of Jermaine and Nick battling it out over some videogame or another booming through the doorway. Barry rolled. Hugging the pillow in his firm arms. Cool fabric a poor replacement for a warm body.

Barry considered Laura’s words. Wondered if he’d ever been in love. Sally? They exchanged the words. The motions. Barry thought so. At the time, at least. But looking back, it seemed...shiny. Plastic. Hollow. Sally had no idea who he truly was, how could she have actually loved him? And is it possible to love someone if the hand meant to intwine with theirs was constantly occupied with holding up the mask instead?

But Laura...Laura saw. She lifted the rock, witnessed the creeping, writhing ugliness squirming amongst the dirt. And instead of turning away, she reached a tender hand forth, nurturing, feeding.

_ Though even she has limits, apparently _ … 

Sighing, Barry shut his eyes, thoughts aswirl as he beckoned for sleep to join him in bed, if no one else would.

***

Phone ringing, Barry’s hand wandered in the darkness, slapping blindly and lifting it to his ear with a mumbled, “Helllo?”

“Barry! Buddy!” 

_ Fuck.  _ “Fuches?” One bleary eye peered at his screen and Barry registered it was after two in the morning. “What’s--”

“You know, I’m surprised at you…” Fuches barreled forward, tone upbeat. “Really, Barry. I guess I shouldn’t be. You avoiding me after how our last chat went, but…” Tsking repeatedly, Barry hoped this diatribe would end soon so he could get back to sleep. “I really expected you to be a better boyfriend.”

Vaguely conscious, Barry rubbed his face. “Boyfriend? What are you talking about, Fuches?”

“ _ BARRY!”  _

_ Laura.  _ Barry sprang up, face hot and heart hammering as a malicious chuckle radiated over the line. “Didn’t think I knew about your little lady friend, did you?”

“Fuches…” Speaking through gritted teeth, Barry’s hand shook as he shoved the phone to his ear. “If you hurt her, I swear, I’ll--”

“Aw, I don’t have any reason to hurt her, Barry.” Voice practically a singsong, Fuches sighed. “She seems nice enough. And besides. Doctor like her? I bet her patients really count on her to show up everyday…” Barry fisted his fingers in the sheets, chest heaving. “They count on her to do her job, so…” Fuches sank to a dry, callous whisper. “Why don’t you do yours? That way, Everybody’s happy…”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom. I also take requests!


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